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kathy2 
i'm siting here this morning thinking when will my misery stop, i know to others this seems like i am just a miserable person or just having a pitty party for myself. i have quit complaining of my seizures because i know everyone is tired of hearing that i guess it is good that i really don't have the need to complain any more . but i am the most miserable person to be around each day i say i won't complain anymore but all i do is complain about everything. i'm always fighting with my husband because i am always angry about something (everything) and i know it is me. i have always been very outgoing and happy pretty much i always brought the party. who wants to talk to me now because i have really not many good things to say, i wonder constanly if people are just desugsted with talking to me because of all the compliang of everything they probably think i am just looking for something to be unhappy about but i'm really not i tell myself i will try harder the next day just one day to be happy and not bitch about every little stupid thing, i want to enjoy my kids and husband and not be so irritable to all of them. i truely swear that i'm am not enjoying this and i really am trying so hard to be me. my husband thinks i use my meds and epilepsy as an excuse but can't he notice i wasn't like this before, nothing has changed but me. i was so upset that i lost my insurance and when i got approved for a new one i was so happy i cried and i told myself this was a new beginning and a start to being happy,well that lasted one day. i just want to be happy again, be me again, have my memory back so i can atlest not tell people the same story over and over escpecially when they are conversations of me just venting. some people think it is funny to tell me that we just had the same conversation 2minutes ago but its not. one night at dinner i started to tell my husband something and realized we had just talked about whatever it was that i was saying, i realized he acted like this was the first time i had said it even though i realized it wasn't, i asked him if we just had this conversation and he said yes. i could tell since he didn't inform me that i was repeating myself this must happen all the time. i asked him do i do this all the time and he sais yes he just doesn't let me know. i am glad he soesn't tell me but i am deffinetly upset that i wasn't aware of how bad my memory is.
