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SouthSoundMatt

Male, 50
South Puget Sound, WA, USA
Member since August 19, 2007

About Me

Hi. I am a 47 year old lawyer (I have never done family law, so I don't know much specifically about divorces). My STBX and I met in high school. I took her to the prom, we dated through college, and got married after we graduated. After working as a welfare worker for a couple of years, I decided to go to law school. We had our first child, our son, in my final year. I started working as a lawyer. My wife became a full time mother. In addition to our son, we had three daughters. My kids are now 19 (and living outside the home), 16, 12, and 8. My wife and I had a good marriage, I thought. When our youngest started school, I suggested she think about going back to work. I thought it would be good for her. I also thought the extra income would allow me to ease off at work and take some of the stress of my high stress job off me. She would have none of it. Instead, she chose to take up bicycling. Over the course of the last couple of years, she became very fit, and very good at bicycling. She was able to beat 20 year old guys climbing the hills. She found it very empowering. She also developed a network of friends that I didn't know. And in particular, she became friendly with the son of our kids' piano teacher, a 41 year old man named Cameron. He makes his living doing a paper route, and spends the rest of his time biking. I have to admit I was somewhat resentful of her decision to take up biking. She began to spend more and more time biking, and less and less time with the family. I felt that instead of doing something that would help the family, she had chosen to do something that benefitted only herself. And I was uncomfortable that she was developing close friendly relationships with men I did not really know. But I decided if this is what she really wanted to do, I would trust her and support her in it. I tried to think of it as just a rough patch we were going through. I cracked down even harder at my work, hoping that in a few years I could earn enough to ease up even if she never joined the work force. Then, as our kids got older and started leaving the house, I could ease up and get back in better touch with her. The stress of my work, and of seeing her get more and more distant, got pretty bad. I have had sleep apnea for several years, and I developed diabetes. I started withdrawing some to escape from the stress, in large part into the computer. Unbeknownst to me, I was also developing a heart condition. Early this year, my wife fell and broke her arm while she was out jogging with Cameron. She had to take about 6 weeks off from her biking while she recuperated. Then, a few weeks after she got back on her bike, she fell and broke her leg. Because she fell in a remote location, she had to wait a long time for the ambulance to come. She says that she made the decision to divorce me (and as I subsequently learned, to begin an affair with Cameron)while she was waiting for that ambulance. She did not tell me right away. But when I brought our kids to visit her in the hospital, she acted cold, and distant, and all but told me to leave. When she came back from the hospital to our house, she began sleeping in a downstairs bedroom. The next day, I went to my doctor to have a stress test done. To my surprise, I learned I had worked/stressed myself into a major blockage of one of my coronary arteries. I had an angioplasty about a week later. The procedure was successful, and I seem to have fully recovered. My wife suggested we see a counselor, and, because of the way she had been acting since she broke her leg, I readily agreed. We saw the counselor on Friday, July 13th. To my astonishment, my wife announced she had made up her mind to divorce me, and that nothing was going to change her decision. I was in shock. She did not tell me she had begun an affair with Cameron. I only learned that several weeks later, when I happened to come to an appointment for one of our kids much earlier than she expected. I found the two of them together, holding hands and being intimate. Shortly afterwords, she confessed to her relationship with Cameron. For the last several weeks, she has continued to sleep downstairs, but leaves early in the morning (before the kids wake up) to go spend the day with Cameron. She clearly intends to move in with and/or marry him, as soon as she moves out from/divorces me. Of course, they have no means to support themselves. So she is planning to become a hospice nurse. To this end, she has signed up for a single, 5 credit chemistry class at our local community college, and plans to take further prerequisites the next two quarters before applying for admission to the nursing program. He, meanwhile, reportedly intends to become an electrician. She is, of course, using our money to support and facilitate her affair with Cameron. For a while, she was buying groceries "for the family, " and taking the better part of them over to his place. After I caught her at that, she began simply taking groceries from our house over to his place. Deception begets deception. She has said she wants to continue living her until next summer, although I think her desire to live with Cameron is going to wind up causing her to move in with him much sooner than that. After that, she has said she wants to rent a duplex, and share custody of our two younger kids. On my part, I have decided to take the high road with her and try to be as fair with her exit as I possibly can, both because I don't want to stoop to her level, and because I think it will be best for our kids. But I do intend, and have told her I intend, to proceed with our divorce as fast as I possibly can. Although I have been trying to hide it from her (with varying success), the pain her actions are causing me is almost incomprehensible. I have basically never been interested in any woman other than her. We had a happy marriage for many years. We raised some wonderful children together. And now she has thrown that all away--like it was nothing--in an incredibly selfish act of deception and betrayal. I am going to be left trying to run our household by myself, for the sake of our kids. Exactly how I am going to do that while working full time, I don't have the faintest idea. All I can see right now is a sad. lonely future.

Hi. I am a 47 year old lawyer (I have never done family law, so I don't know much specifically about divorces). My STBX and I met in high school. I took her to the prom, we dated through college, and got married after we graduated. After working as a welfare worker for a couple of years, I decided to go to law school. We had our first child, our son, in my final year. I started working as a lawyer. My wife became a full time mother. In addition to our son, we had three daughters. My kids are now
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I like games and mental activities of all sorts. In my younger days, I twice won our state chess championship. I like to read, especially history. I have also recently taken up bicycling. And I am a fan of college football, especially my Washington Huskies.

I like games and mental activities of all sorts. In my younger days, I twice won our state chess championship.

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