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Kaitrin 
Oh!I made a terrible stupid stupid mistake and started drinking.I had 26 days.I never NEVER had 81 days,I never ever pretended to,just cant fix the stupid numbers on my chart!Cause my dad left me with TIB so this is the returning and resounding legacy. Brain damage,thank him very much with my whole life.
ALL I had expected of myself was to STAY SOBER.One stupid little simple thing,it should be simple, something so small, and I FAIL EVEN THAT.Not that I'm drunk but I'm drinking again and it HELPED! I took a godamned shower,okay?i did two laundries,I can so SO rarely do those things when I'm depressed!Cleaned the living room,made James' bed... cleaned a little more..went to the market just cause I COULD GO OUTSIDE BY MYSELF!Which I cannot do sober.I walked my dear,beloved Cloudy,like a real person...I was FUNCTIONAL.B/c there was alcohol in me,it is ALL that ever helps.
But i'm a binge drinker too and i'm an alcoholic,like my parents.Like already I'm thinking I'll stay drunk through the weekend,hole up in a nearby hotel,my old routine.cause I'm so ashamed now and so disgusted with myself,I'd like to spit myself out of my head...
I just failed at the ONE THING in the world I had stopped failing at. Now I've failed everyone.everything.everyone,again.
And you are not EVEN 81 SECONDS SOBER!
Comments
sorry you started drinking and feel badly. it sounds confusing to function well when ur drinking.
it's hard to not drink when you are inclined genetically to do so.
do you go to AA meetings? i've heard that they're really helpful. my thoughts r with you. i don't think you should drink and go to a hotel. can u stay home and watch tv, and just make the time pass? good luck, i'm mainly a social drinker so i'm not sure how to make you feel better.
ElenaNJ
Oh honey. I'm so sorry you're frustrated with yourself, but you ARE NOT a failure. Recovery from anything is one step forward, two steps back. Like you told me, be kind to yourself. I agree holing up in a hotel isn't a good idea. Stay home and take care of you.
knittingpirate
hey. We all make mistakes inlife whether we are in AA or not. Whenther we are drinking or not. However, those who absue alcohol drink on top of there mistakes and as a result well....sounds like you know how that makes you feel. Sounds like you know as well that by not drinking you are able to deal with things and have been dealing with things.
Do yourself a favour, and, all those new people that are ready to meet you, become your friends and support you and just put this down to experience and try and learn and change.
Havent read any of your journals however, asadhearts comment is helpful. The support you will get there will help you to eventually help yourself.
Be good to yourself
soulman1
Hi kid!! PLZ just CALL AA & they will listen & know how to help
God Bless
chipchip