Journal Entry for September 8, 2009
September 8, 2009 9:26pm
My aunt was my sole guardian since I was 5;she killed herself when I was nearly 15.I found her body and I lay with it in bed till the dusk …
Kaitrin 
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About Me
Kaitrin
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About Me
My name is Caitrin.I have had very severe depression since 14, no med has really allowed me to fully function. I'm(almost) married, love my pets, have agoraphobia and it is hard for me to work.I have a 6 year old daughter who is the other side of my rainbow. My mother, due to manic-depression, left when I was young. (I occasionally, stiltedly, have been seeing her recently.Can't connect.)Her sister raised me until I was almost 16; she saw me through the 1st 2 years of my severe unipolar depression. But she had depression as well, and killed herself when I was 15.She never asked me for help, to save her. She never showed the signs I thought to look for.I will carry her presence in my life till the day I too die.
My name is Caitrin.I have had very severe depression since 14, no med has really allowed me to fully function. I'm(almost) married, love my pets, have agoraphobia and it is hard for me to work.I have a 6 year old daughter who is the other side of my rainbow. My mother, due to manic-depression, left when I was young. (I occasionally, stiltedly, have been seeing her recently.Can't connect.)Her sister raised me until I was almost 16; she saw me through the 1st 2 years of my severe unipolar depression.
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Interests
I love playing with my daughter. Walks on the beach at twilight. Writing poetry. Fiction.Used to love to read, but now cannot concentrate on it. I like tall, half-imposing, sacred things: Museums.Churches.Cathedrals. But my breadth of interests are smaller now, due to extreme anxiety, agoraphobia, and severe depression. I came here at the very end of the path of my world.
I love playing with my daughter. Walks on the beach at twilight. Writing poetry. Fiction.Used to love
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Journal
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Journal Entry for September 4, 2009
September 4, 2009 6:43pm
Oh!I made a terrible stupid stupid mistake and started drinking.I had 26 days.I never NEVER had 81 days,I never ever pretended to,just …
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Journal Entry for September 4, 2009
September 4, 2009 1:34pm
Ethan called me today,as I lay busily changing the landscapes as they appeared across the gray tank of the T.V. Yes, that's …
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Hugbook
Celebration
Happy Birthday Caitrin!!!
Hug
Just wanted to give you a Hug!
Hug
Little Love
Thank you for your message of support
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Hug
thinking of you jackiex
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Photos
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Support Groups
Close Depression
Type: Clinical (Major) DepressionI've been severely depressed over half my life(unipolar.)Most meds have not helped at all:I'm"refractory." I am looking for support here and hope and nice people,so I don't feel so unbearably alone.
Treatments
- Abilify Not Working
- Never worked--about a year on it b/c doctor thought it might slightly help,but no.Off it now.
- Anafranil Not Working
- Was same as taking nothing.5 month try
- Celexa Not Working
- 3 month try, no effect at all
- MAOIs Not Working
- They worked for 8-9 months, but have stopped.This always happens.This is the 1 drug that has slightly worked me at one point.
Close Anxiety
My name is Caitrin and I have depression as well as agoraphobia and General Anxiety and panic attacks. I am a single mother to a 6 year old and am very blessed to have a brother who loves her too who is able to take care of her,with his wife,when either my anxiety or depression become too overwhelming to live with.(I haven't "lived" in a long time,only survived.)I hope to meet people here so that together,we can inspire and support one another.
Treatments
- Lamictal Not Working
- I just didn't feel it,is all. No side effects and no effects.My doctor was "disapoined."If he knew how I felt:I've been on so many meds!
Open Alcoholism
My name is Caitrin.The only thing that seems to help my severe,chronic depression and horrible social anxiety is alcohol.Began drinking heavily at 15;am now 31.Drinking has destroyed two beautiful relationships in my life.I have a daughter left to take care of:the only way I can do that is to finally stop drinking.Today,though,is my very first day sober,and I'm already feeling broken and despairing.I have tried AA multiple times, but always gotten flak for being on antidepressants.
Treatments
- 12 Step Program Considering
- AA Meetings Not Working
- Since I was 17,I have belonged to AA off and on.However, my refractory depression makes it necessary to take antidepressants;many here said this meant I wasn't really "sober."Judgmental people really put me off...Did stay sober 3 months here and there with AA however.
- Cold Turkey Too Soon to Tell
- I went cold turkey for my pregnancy with my daughter 7 and !/2 years ago,stayed sober 15 months...Other times,however,no luck(not that I've tried much.)
- Folic Acid Not Working
- I don't even get how this is supposed to help?
- Serax Too Soon to Tell
- Sleep Somewhat Helpful
- Sleep is somewhat helpful b/c I don't want to be alive,and sleep is the next best thing to death.But I oversleep,don't get anything done,and finally,just can't sleep nearly as long as I'd love to.
- Willpower Too Soon to Tell
- I think I do have strong willpower,but with alcohol,it doesn't show up as much.Both my parents, many aunts/uncles, and 3 grandparents are alcoholic;I feel as if,genetically,I'm up against a lot more than willpower alone can handle.
Open Shyness
My name is Caitrin,and I have been painfully shy ever since I can emotionally remember.My background is part of it: I was raised by my Aunt,who always warned me not to "trouble" other people with my opinions or concerns.Also,my self esteem is very low,due in part to y body developing too early,and people's reactions to it.I am always afraid that people will think I'm strange and dislike me.
Treatments
- DailyStrength Somewhat Helpful
- Even online,I am fearful and shy.I have made a few friends,but a number of others have left D.S recently,and me behind with it.So that left me dubting how good/helpful a friend I ever was,and how much I was helped versus harmed.
- Pets Somewhat Helpful
- Oh,my pets brighten my life!But more directly shyness related,through walking my dog,I have wound up meeting many people.No friends yet,but alot of practice talking to strangers.
- Psychotherapy Not Working
- Years of this.Bc I suffer from refractory,severe depression,all doctors have focused on treating this,rather than my shyness.
- Socializing Working / Worked
- it wasn't sccessful for years,as I tried to hide my intense shyness in alcohol.Had a number of needy,desparate relationshps,just grateful that anyone wanted me.At 31,I think i'm with the right man now finally.
