rebeljen's Journal

The past is part of who I am.  People sometimes ask me if I could go back and change my life would I do things different?  The answer of course is yes.  There are a lot of things in my past that I would change if I could.  There are people I have hurt and those who have hurt me.  There are things I have done that I am not so proud of.  I think every one of us could think of things we would change about our pasts.  But our past is a part of who we are.  There are scars we have had to learn to live with.  There are joyous moments we could not live without.  Each part of our lives form the person we are today. 

I have been asked about my children a lot.  If knowing that I would be left to raise them on my own would I still have 4 kids?  My answer is YES becuase I would not want to miss out on any of them.  I might have been smarter and better financially prepared for them but I would still have all 4 of them.  There have been times that they were what kept me together. 

I believe that God does not allow us to go through any difficulty in our lives that we are not strong enough to get through. Over the last 8 & 1/2 months, my faith has been tested, my God has seemed SO FAR away, and yet He has been faithful to me and my kids.  He has been all around us through all of this.  We have had food to eat.  We have had a roof over our heads.  We have had the utilities paid.  We have had clothes on our backs, shoes on our feet and food in our stomachs.  He has given us faithful friends to help us out.  God has been good to us through it all.  And I am grateful for Him and for His many blessing that surround us everyday.  So although there are things about my past I would change if I could, I can see God working in and through our lives and that He cares for us everyday and I thank Him daily for His care for us.