rebeljen's Journal

Valentine's Day was a little depressing for me this year.  Oh the kids had their parties, cards, candies etc. but for once in 16 years, I didn't have my husband with me.  Not that we really ever did much on Valentine's Day but exchange cards with each other and have a nice dinner at home.  This day went much deeper with us, in our hearts. 

You see many years ago, shortly after our youngest boy was born (our 3rd child), we had BIG problems in our marriage.  My husband worked nights and slept days.  He drank a lot.  We fought a lot and neither of us was very happy.  We didn't speak to each other----we yelled most of the time and had gotten very mean and ugly towards each other.  Neither one of us was happy.  I would get up on Sunday mornings and go to church with the kids---without him cause he was asleep or he didn't feel like going anywhere with me.  Or we would get in the car to go and get in an arguement before we even left the driveway.  We were miserable.  So one day I went to him and said this has to stop.  I told him I was taking the kids and moving in with my mom.  He was heart broken.  His kids were his life and I guess so was I.  He begged me for one last chance to change.  I reluctantly agreed.  I told him I would give him 30 days to show me he could change.  I just knew I was leaving, that I was miserable, that I just could not take this anymore.  So I began counting the days..................

Then I was at work one day and a co-worker friend of mine invited me to a Valentine's sweetheart banquet at her church.  I told my husband about it.  I didn't WANT to go, but he did.  It was the absolute last place I wanted to go with him.  I thought "Oh God.  Why?"  It seemed there was no point, no reason, no purpose to our going there.  I was leaving so why go?  But I guess God had other plans cause Greg wanted to go so again I reluctantly agreed.  After all I didn't want to look like the bad guy in all of this. 

So we went and you know what?  That night things began to change.  He quit smoking cold turkey.  He quit drinking.  He started playing guitar on the worship team.  And he started being a more loving and thoughtful, more caring person to me and the kids.  And my heart began to melt away the bitterness, the anger, and the hatred that had grown inside of me towards him.  I knew that was God working in our lives.  He gave me a Valentines card that year that I still have today.  It said something like, "from this day forward valentine's day will be like our new anniversary.  The day I recommitted myself to our marriage and to you and the kids, to love you and cherish you forever."  That was 10 years ago.

I found that card last month, read it and cried.  I filed it away in a box for safe keeping and one day I will open it up again and remember the miracles that God worked in our lives.  How he rebuilt our marriage, our family and brought us closer together.  And how God in his infinate wisdom saw fit to bring us into ministry together, to bless us with 4 beautiful children and give us the strength to get through all the trials and temptations in our lives and our marriage.  

Valentine's Day will never be the same for me again.    I just hope someday it won't seem so lonely. 

I miss you Greg and I love you.  Forever yours, Jenifer