rebeljen's Journal

MY DAUGHTER'S TEACHER MADE ME SO MAD!!!! 

Well, it's parent teacher conference time again.  UGH!!!  I had mine with my daughter Mindy's teacher last night and she made me so mad.  I left there thinking wow this woman's a witch (with a big B) and really had to watch what I said around the kids about her.  So here's the story of my day.......

 It's Tuesday morning.  We all get up and the kids are getting ready for school when my oldest daughter Melanie (14) informs me she has an orchestra concert tonight at 6:30 that she forgot about at the high school and she has to be there at 5:30pm.  Great.  I don't get off work until 4:30 or 5pm and I have a parent teacher conference for my 8 year old at 6:15pm at her school.  So I tell Melanie--great.  You better come straight home from school and get your clothes together and get ready cause I won't be there in time to help you.  I'm thinking as long as I'm off at 5pm this could work.  After all Melanie's group plays second so I might actually make it to see her play.  So I go to work, get off at 5pm and tell her as soon as I get home her and her sister better be ready to go.  I get home and Mindy's out walking the dog, no one knows where, but Melanie's ready.  So I grab her and take her to the school, tell my oldest son to find her sister and head out. Then I come back to the house to get Mindy. 

We leave about 6:10 to get to her school.  I get there just as her teacher is finishing up with the last parents.  We're doing good now.  Everything's coming together just fine.   There's nothing this teacher is going to say that I don't already know so this should be quick right???  WRONG!!!!  The teacher starts in on her about not turning in her homework (nothing new to me), being disorganized (also nothing new) and focusing more on her work.  Now normally this is not a big deal but this lady says---"this is more of a conference between me and Mindy than me and you."  What's up with that???  I thought this was a parent teacher conference not a student teacher conference.  And she is TOTALLY ragging on my kid.  I am stunned.  My daughter is almost in tears, and she is embarrassed and hurt.  (Did I mention she didn't want to go in the first place and has expressed much dislike for this particular teacher?)  I don't know what to say.  I have never had a teacher be so rude to my child (she calls it being direct) in my life.  So I interject and say, "well, Mindy we all know how smart you are and how you can do better by turning in your homework and your assignments.  We need to work on it ok?"  So she agrees and her  expression of horror and pain lifts a little.  Then the teacher brings out the progress reports.   She compares last quarter's grades with this quarter and some of her grades have slipped a little.  Then she tells my daughter how disappointed she is with her, how she could do better, and this is simply not acceptable.   Please keep in mind this is my 3rd grader who's normally a straight A student (2 years in a row!!!!) who lost her father to a drunk driving accident in June, just 4 days after her birthday and who has to endure counseling sessions every Monday night with our family ro cope. 

The teacher says, "I know this has been a difficult year for your family and all but this is just not acceptable.  She needs to get her work done and turned in on time everyday.   She usually gets a good start on it but she writes much slower than the other kids in her class, gets distracted and keeps putting curly lines on her letters. "  I am just livid at this point in time.  I have been there 10 minutes now and have not heard one good thing about what she's doing right and everything about what's wrong.  Then she turns to my daughter and says, "when you're in middle school no one will follow you around and remind you to do your work.  You need to go home, find your missing assignments and turn them in."  Yes, that's true but does she have to be so mean about it???  She's only in 3rd grade!!! 

And that's not even the end of it.  Then she turns to me and says, "The kids all know I don't beat around the bush and I am very direct.  I've had some comments from the other kids, mostly the boys,  that Mindy stinks and they don't want to sit next to her.  She needs to bathe everyday and wear clean clothes to school."

HUH???  And it goes on........"Now I'm not saying you're a bad parent or anything but perhaps she should use deodorant or after they're done playing and getting all sweatty, she could come to me and ask if she can go to the restroom and clean herself up.  I would allow that" 

HUH???  My mouth must have hit the floor. Then I can hear the next parents outside the door.  But I'm going to speak my peace anyway.  So I tell her, "I homeschooled my kids for almost 2 years and they got an early start with their grandma around them.  But when I returned to the work force I could not do it anymore so against my better judgement I put them back in public school.  Also, we go to counseling every week and the kids have 4 daily responsibilities.  They are #1 to go to school,  #2 to do their homework when they get home,  #3 They each do 1 chore everyday, and #4 They take baths or showers everyday.  I wash their clothes and make sure they have clean clothes ready for school everyday. And as far as her missing worksheets, I may have found them laying around the house and thrown them away because my kids seem to think they have to keep every paper they ever wrote on.  I have been doing a lot of cleaning around the house, trying to get organized, and throwing out a lot of stuff.  I also work full time and I'm a single parent so I am doing the best that I can to help my kids succeed."  Then she says, "You must be doing something right because your kids are some of the smartest I've ever seen and I've been teaching for 18 years.  I love to have Mindy in class.  It is rare to find a whole family of kids that are as smart as yours are. "  Finally, something nice to say!!!  Why did it have to wait until the end after she ripped us a new one????

So then I ask her, "How is Mindy doing socially in your class?  She seems to think she has no friends since she was moved to your classroom.  And she doesn't  seem to like school."  A BURN OR WHAT????  She says, "well when I have them work in groups she usually works with another girl in our class on a regular basis but she's usually last to be picked for activities." 

So now I guess I can see why my normally very social, very happy child dislikes school and gets "stomachaches" just before school and goes to the nurses office on a regular basis.  Am I over reacting to this teacher?  Should ask to move my child to another classroom where she will be happier and have some of her friends in class???  Or should I just let this go and call it a bad experience???  It had my very upset all day today and I could not get it off my mind.  None of my other kids think she stinks and yes, kids get dirty sometimes just from playing outdoors.  It's a normal part of growing up.  I don't think she needs deodorant and I know she cleans herself very well in the bath or shower every night.  She is very sensitive to perfumes in soaps and lotions and even fabric softeners which make her itch.  And last night she was very self conscious, almost obsessive about bathing because of what her teacher said.  Should I be concerned???  Should I go to the principal?  Should I do anything or just focus on her school work and homework issues???

I'm just livid about this right now and would love some input from you all, especially if you have any ideas or experiences with this type of situation. 

Oh, and did I mention this teacher said she has other kids in class she needs to work with on their personal hygeine and having their parents make sure they brush their teeth every day???

Well,  Thanks for reading and have a great day......Jen 

PS:  I didn't get to the high school in time to see my daughter's group perform.  UGH!!!!