rebeljen's Journal

How the days seem to fly by......I have been so busy getting ready for Christmas, working, counseling for myself and family counseling that I haven't had too much time to write, read, or respond to your thoughtful messages and words of encouragement. I'm online enough to check my messages and read emails but it seems there's never enough time to reply. Thanks for still remembering me. You are all in my thoughts and prayers.

I went to the Dr.'s 3 weeks ago and started on anti-depressants. I could not take the sleepless nights any more and waking up every 1&1/2 to 2 hours every single night just plain wore me out. I am doing so much better now but I'm so busy that I hardly have time to think. In some ways that is a good thing. I don't have time to dwell on the past 6 months of my life. Yes, dear friends, it has been 6 months since the accident and Greg's death. It still seems like a nightmare but it is real. And it still makes me very sad and depressed but I'm not reacting (or should I say over-reacting) to life's little ups and downs so much now that I'm on the meds. Oh, it's still there but not so overwhelming that my days off are spent hiding under the covers and refusing to face the days ahead. And I'm dealing with the kids much more calmly now too. Boy it got really wild there for awhile with them. I spent so much time yelling at and crying over them that you just can't imagine. My counselors have all been really great. Our group sessions are over now and I'm still alternating my counseling with the family couseling every other week. If we want to go back into group counseling we can when it picks back up in January. I learned a lot from it with regards to the kids emotions and my own and how to deal with a lot of it. Ofcourse we still take it day by day and some days are better than others.

The kids are doing pretty well. I'm struggling with Matthew and Melanie's school attendance still as they don't want to go and miss a lot. It was really bad with Matthew but has gotten somewhat better and now it is Melanie who's finding excuses not to go. Their teachers say they're all really bright and intelligent kids when they go and do their work. Nothing new to me ofcourse but they just fight me on this right now. I'm not too sure how to fix this. Family services came by the house today when I was at work. Guess we'll have to wait and see what they have to say tomorrow when they call me.

Christmas will be difficult this year. Of course the kids are all caught up in the glitz and glam of the holiday but even Mindy commented the other day about buying daddy a gift then caught herself and she looked at me almost in shock when she said, "Mommy, this will be our first Christmas without daddy." All I could say was, "You're right honey. I know." To which she replied, "This sucks!!!" Well, my dear little one, you are right. This does suck. But we will all get through it together and we will be OK.

Enough of our lives for now. I just want to tell you all to have a great holiday and remember to take time out for yourselves. This busy holiday season can wear thin on us all and make us tired and cranky. Take a hot bath, take a nap, watch a movie or read a good book and relax. Remember, Jesus is the REAL reason for the season.

With much love to you all,

Jen

PS: Forgot to mention Michael. (OH how can I forget him!!!) He is doing well but has decided he doesn't need to follow the rules and so has spent much time grounded or had his Gameboy confiscated. And ofcourse they all fight like cats and dogs!!! LOL!!!