rebeljen's Journal

Today is a good day.  Yesterday on the other hand was not.  I think my son hates me.

The kids went back to school today and although there were some BUMPS in the road with daycare and I was late for work it all turned out ok.  The kids seemed to handle it ok but I have been having this problem with my 15 year old in that he doesn't wnt to listen to me or help out around the house.  Yeasterday he got very angry with me and went to his room.   I had asked him to clean the kitchen up (would have taken about 15 minutes) so I could make some dinner and he just would not.  So in my frustration I hollered at him and he got mad and went to his room.  I decided to let him cool down---when he was ready to he would come out of his room and everything would be ok. This usually works with him.  Boy, was I wrong!!!  My daughter volunteered to pick up the kitchen because she was hungry (and she's the peace maker) and when my son came out of his room about 5-10 minutes later I tried to talk to him.  I asked him, "Are you ready to help out now?" and he sat there and was very disrespectful and gave me the silent treatment.  I tried again.  Again he refused to talk to me or even acknowledge my existance.   So, I made him go back to his room.  He is a big kid so I had to push him in there and told him when he was ready to help out he could come out.  Remember, this usually works for him.  He got so angry, he started hitting his bed and throwing things and then said,"Now I see what grandma means about you favoring Melanie (his sister)." Well, let me tell you I told him I was going to have a talk with his grandma and I closed the door.  

I called my mom and replayed the whole incident to her (I was upset over his outburst) and got the real story from her.  He said Melanie got to do more things than he does (not entirely true) and my mom said that if he helped out more he would probably get to do more too.  Keep in mind she helps out alot around the house.  I have even offered to take her to visit her friends and I think because of my frame of mind at times she won't.

Just so no one thinks I am being unfair to either kid here's how their summer went after my husband's death.  A week after the memorial service my son went to his grandmothers to stay where he got to go fishing, shopping, go to special events with them and have a 3 week get away from his siblings because they have been having problems getting along.  While my daughter was stuck here with me, watching her little brother and sister while I work and trying to help me clean and organize the house (which I just could not manage to do).  The only thing she got to do was go on a family outting to the drive in and spend 1 day with her friends.  Oh, and she worked for a teacher at school for 4 days moving her classroom and earing some pocket money for herself.

I wonder if he really feels like I'm playing favorites or if this is

1) part of his age and identify crisis after his dad's death or

2) his own anger and emotional outburst toward me because of his dads death.  Maybe he is resentful that his dad died and while I was in the accident I was not seriously harmed.  Could he be mad at me for this?

I just don't know waht to do with this situation.  Does anyone have any ideas?

Here's how it ended.  My mom talked to him and he came out of his room crying and gave me a hug and apologized.  After dinner I asked him to clean up (we used paper plates) since his sister did it before dinner and he cleaned off 1 counter and went to bed.  I gave up.  We wnt to bed.