Journal

There is no such thing as a pity party in CFS World.

You feel how you feel, period. Tomorrow you may feel completely differently.

Or the same.

It is what it is.

I just try to keep in mind (and not always successfully) that the Pearls in my life, don't really grasp the concept of doing the homework where MY CFS is concerned. They read the basics or the blips and think they know it all.

And they comport themselves as being spiritual, caring, loving, Christian... (no offense meant), the list goes on...

And they couldn't be more NOT those things.

So, excuse me while I allow myself to act SMUG AND PROUD, that I endeavor to NOT BE LIKE THEM.

And smile a know-it-all grin all to myself!!! (Yeah, I know, pride goeth. But it gets me through the moment without bludgeoning someone......I'm happy to atone tenfold later.)

Go pray Darla..... one liners regarding the idiots in your life are all the energy you should waste there.

Ask more for yourself. You're allowed.

Just my opinion.

Hugs and Mojo
Weebs

I hope your party was a huge success ! May you feel better after a nap & some quiet time. I personally thought you were very gentle & kind for a vent. In some areas we are VERY different ! lol Love you like you are. OhanaMarie.

Yeah what Weebs said ...You are having a lot of stomach issues right now and all this STRESS is not helping it for sure !!!
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And this is where you should let everything out and don't apologize for it !!! DS is all about the good and the bad thus SUPPORT group :)
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And yeah family sometimes just SUCK lol and for soem reason it's worse around the holidays ...people just don't get CFs but we do so come here let it all out !!!!
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so I will send you a hug/prayer/peace/sunshine for everythign that is happening to you right now

hugggsss Darla Dear

Hi Darla.. It is good to be able to vent. Not a pity party ok. Families are notorious for making holidays difficult. Don't try to be a mother to them. Yes I wish my family would look up my illnesses but it isn't going to happen. I have to accept this.CFS is particularly a hard one for people to understand.In Church yesterday the pastor spoke about anger again. It was great and opened my eyes to situation with my daughter. I phoned her later and she actually talked with me. I was all excited and telling her about having less pain. She wasn't the least bit interested. She has a job now so thats good and has promised to finish adoption site for me. Its okay to be angry but doesn't do much good for you. Just more stress. Do hope you get your tests done soon and please relax as whoever is coming will come and just let the others go for your sake. Love and God Bless marilyn

You had a very key sentence right at the beginning, when you said that you had become "Mom" to everybody. I wonder - who's mothering YOU? Sometimes, unfortunately, we have to become our own best mothers. But by venting, you have started the conversation with yourself, and that's where the healing will be. Don't forget to pay attention to your needs and desires as you plan for the holidays. That way, you can gain some peace and meaning from a season that is too often marred by trying to please everyone else.

I'm glad you allowed yourself to vent, and that you left the journal open. Good for you! And I hope you will start to feel better soon and have a nice week, as you prepare for Thanksgiving.

Love & hugs, Sue

The anticipation of preparing for Thanksgiving is the worst. When it actually arrives and you get ready to chow down all of the work will be worth it. I know that virgo in you makes you get intense and worry that everything is perfect...wish I could send you a bit of my procrastination and then you wouldn't worry till the night before. You know the saying 'Let go and let God' (I hope I said that right!)!

maybe that perception is not true! have you thought that they just want you to be you. I am not looking forward to the festive dinner either. I am cooking AGAIN
i dont want to do it. Philip has said your can stuff christmas just like you do the turkey. Gavin is sad, he is on his own, hasnt any money, and thinks christimas should be all singing all dancing, all the time. Those days have gone. Shame but there it is. I get so stressed. I cook the dinner and Gavin decides to mooch over just in time as I dish it up and am all vexed because he's "not here yet"! and of course we will all be missing Max. Sad christmas in our house this year.

I am glad you vented Darla. Think I am going to message you. xx

oh darla its not a case of a pity party all you want is for your family to take 5 mins out of their life to understand whats going on with you.i bet ya when one of your family are ill you take the time to at least try and understand and help them best you can.just because they cant see any thing in their eye they cant see anything wrong.if your leg was in plaster they would see there was something wrong.it can be so frustrating cant it.i know how many tears i shed over my parents understanding.i even gave them a dvd to watch on cfs and they could not be botherd to watch it.i know my mum is not talking to me because i have not been able physically to call her for 2 weeks.i just dont know how we can help family and friends to understand.i am so glad that you are able to let it out here amongst you friends here on ds.you take care my sweet and take it easy.love ya loads anthea xx

I know exactly what you are talking about hugs

So sorry Darla. I hoped it helped to write it out here. I am with you on so many things here. The holidays are so difficult and emotionally loaded. I miss my Mom so much too. I also, am the one that everyone leans on. I've always been a mother figure in my family, yet it hurts to say that because, my Mom was a great mother and no one could replace her in any of our hearts...so I'm a "supplement", I guess. Anyway, it's important to be that for my family and yet it is also a lot of stress and pressure. I'm sick and exhausted too, and now my gall bladder is acting up. When it rains, it pours...just great that it has to be the holidays. I just want you to know that you are not alone. It's not a pity party as much as it is our daily reality and it just gets to be too much sometimes. I am thinking of you and holding you in my heart. Vent away, this is a safe and soft place to land. Crying helps too. I hope your Thanksgiving goes well and you have enough energy to enjoy the good parts. Just when we want to enjoy all of the food, our stomachs act up. I know that I am thankful to have you as my friend. I am thinking of you. Much love and many hugs.

Oh Darla! I am so sorry you are still having these tummy problems! The holidays are stressful. Everyone or maybe just me wishes for the perfect holiday and life is far from perfect!

You are so blessed to have your daughter and your hubbie. Living alone isn't easy and is so lonely.

You are not your mom and don't try to be her. Easier said than done, I know.

So here's to letting it out!! I wish I had the luxury. So much ... too much is going on right now but here's to prayer, faith and being grateful for what we have.

Sending lots and lots of love always.

Yup ... brain it through and do what's right for YOU! As much as I think I miss being part of a "family" they certainly don't come issue free, do they? I don't know what I'd do in your shoes. Actually, I do. I'd plan what *I* could handle and then invite others to join me. If they say "no" then that's on them.

Norman Rockwell was/is a fantasy!

Glad to come to the pity party! Love them because they're always helpful. Well, here's my 2 cents worth. Having a small family is stressful too. The dynamics change as our parents change, pass on, etc and we become the parents. Sometimes I think we try to have that 'Dick Van Dyke' family gathering, perfect, everyone happy and smiling. That's just no reality. I have learned that abnormal is normal.

One of our best Thanksgivings and Christmas Dinners was when we made a reservation at a restaurant for their buffet! Had cocktails at home, gifts then loaded into the car and over to a feast, prepared and served by others. Now, that's a gift in itself. Don't do it every year but still a good less-stressful approach. I agree with Menemsha about Norman, good painter but he was clueless. xo

Gol DARN those tummy pains/issues Darla! This is absolutely rediculous, you shouldn't have to be dealing wiht this STILL, yet here you are, in bed wiht some of the worst pain you've had yet! That's just not right my friend! I wish I could take it all away for you, or find a doctor who cared enough to look until "it's" found! I"m praying, hard!

I am so glad that you vented here, it's never a pity party, as those above said, it's support for the crappy health/lives we have to deal with on a daily basis! We all understand and have been there and support you always! VENT AWAY!! Good girl :-) It helps so much, crying does too!

Oh gosh, the holidays! I understand that stress...it's different for everyone yet everyone has their family issues and stresses at the holidays, why is that huh? Darn it! I"m sorry that your family has made you the 'fix it' gal since your Mom's passing, that's so unrealistic, especially if they refuse to read and understand about your illness! Sticking their heads in the sand won't make you better so you can take care of them all! That is much too much to ask of you Darla! I'm sorry that you've been put into that position! Speak up if you can! Do as I say, not as I do...I can't speak up with my family...yikes!

I wish you the best for the holidays hon! I know it's hard! If it helps i'm stressed too! I'm praying for good health so that we can enjoy ourselves even with all of the 'issues' etc!

Lots of hugs and prayers and thoughts and smooches to help you through my dear friend! Love the Norman Rockwell comment...lol! SO TRUE! MWAH

The Hollidays are not my favorite time of year either. Every year you can't help but missing your loved ones that has gone on before you. I don't know if by getting older it makes it any easier. Even though I'm used to not having my mom around it still hurts. Though when we get to Heaven it will be nothing but parties, lol. I hope you get to feeling better. Your in my prayers.

You know how I feel about this. BOUNDARIES. We all need to set them as hard as it is. I am putting some spitfire in this comment to you...do you feel it? It feels venomous and gives you some fight to say NO. As you have said to me, you need to take care of you. I love you and many people do and I know that if you told him and them no, they would listen because you don't do that and it will be shocking and they will know that "you truly cannot do it".....BAM. That's it!

Remember this Dazla..."Let go and let God"...hard but true...you are not your mum, you are you !!!!!!....I am glad you vented this is being real and we need to be that.....forgive yourself for not being able to do what YOU THINK you should do...this is playing such hardball on your health...if people are used to someone doing something they will let them but itf you do whats true and right for you they will be OK....Holly is right boundaries...I am sorry there are too many comments for me to read but sure am lad you have loads of friends who love and care...we are giving you a group hug right now..accept you can,t do it and DON,T....yes old men will whinge etc if we let them...I actually told Laz,s dad there there are other people besides him even though his situation is hard too...he heard me......
as for wishing people will research our illness they won,t Dazla I have been down that path...only thing you can do is send them the basic info and pray they will read it....
I can hear your misery sweetheart...I am there for you...
always praying...sending you extra love and care today love from Julie

You go girl! You Vent all you need. You are always here for all of us and encourage us to let the vent spew forth from our bodies.

Now, the family scene (this time my side of the family, not the pearls) We put the funk is dysfunctional. Since Mom broke her hip and most of her mind over the past 6 years, our family comes together pretty much (For Mom). When she passes, I believe that some of us (thier are 5 of us including myself) will never see each other again. And that will be fine. There are a lot of hurts among us especially regarding mom's situation. Her personal effects were fought over by the family like 5 junkyard dogs with only one bone. Everyone wanted all of her stuff for theirselves to start off with ( I being the techy freak and the sentimental freak realized that I could take all the old photographs and scan them and made CDs for everyone. So three years ago, for Christmas that was my gift, I took her photos and scanned them all, it was a HUGE job and then I divided the originals based on who was in the photo. Ergo:
Thanksgiving hosted by brother number 3 got Mom's pics of that event. Wedding, graduation pics of nieces and nephews original photo went to the parent (my sibling of that child) In the end, everyone had a copy of all the pics on thier CDs. Only one sibling is not computer literate but I told him he could take them somewhere and have the converted into hard copies if he wanted too.

Darla, do not buy into the guilt that you should host this big To Do for those that don't understand this illness ( please take notes, I will need you to spoon feed this back to me beginning the day after Thanksgiving when my stress level starts rising over the Christmas to do. That's when the pearls show up! My family has learned to be there for Mom at Christmas and climb to different corners if we can't get along.)

And do not take the "Girl" holds the family together guilt either. If your one brother doesn't speak, you can give him a call and tell him what is happening or not happening regarding the holiday (You'll love this, Hubby's sister called today, traveled down from Connecticut to have Thanksgiving dinner at one of her brother's house, talked to the sister in law a couple of months ago and she told her that everyone was coming! We weren't invited, She called the other brothers and they didn't know anything about it so she called the S-I-L that extended the invitation to her and told her everyone would be there. The phone has been disconnected!!!! LOL
You have to laugh to keep from crying!!! She is coming by our house if we are home on Thanksgiving Day. I have been running fever for the past three days so I probably won't get to go see my Mom, my sister-in-law, Susan, the one that needs a kidney transplant is going to host the dinner but I don't dare go around her or mom when I know my body is a host of awful viruses that are contagious when active. )

Soooo, I go back to my little leaf party! I P.M.ed you about! If you want to join in, go to the dollar store and count your blessings. One of them can be the dinosaur of the traditional family we all grew up with no longer applies for those who don't understand what CFS/Fibro is about. If you don't want to do any thing more than the basic study and you think we just get tired (not fatigued), then instead of us getting tired , you bring the groceries, the plates, the napkins, the forks and spoons and whatever you are planning to drink. Be self sufficient!!! If you can't do that ! Just be thankful that they are alive. Hmmmmm, I think that was part pet talk. part vent.
Thanks for the opportunity!!! As it take me so much effort to get around to replying to the journals, I don't get to read all the responses so this is probably a repeat of things already said above!! There are a lot of smart, loving and caring people on DS and they come out in droves when my Darls is feeling bad!
Just remember , if you ever just want to get the heck out of dodge, you and Bobby are welcome to come to Georgia and hang with me for a couple of days! Besides,
I would love for me and Bobby to go outside and talk about my flowers or something while you have a nice chat with my hubby! LOL

I love you! Take Care and Remember the reason for this season is to be thankful (not the supplier), you can do that in your own little corner in your own little bed if you have too!
Much love!

Holy cow, this is a hard one. With family, you can't always just tell yourself that you don't care what they do and who needs them, because you do care, and you do need them. Be gentle to yourself, and give yourself a chance to stop and take a deep breath every once in a while. I'm sorry Dad and Brother are making things difficult. Sheesh. Sending love and *HUGS*

You have right to the feelings you have. They need to understand you are not your mother and you cannot be. I understand what you are going through. In my family I am the strong one, helper, Ms. Fix it. When I start getting sick I talked them and said I am sick, scared, and will need help. I told them I love them and they can help me by taking care of themselves. I still take back steps but I continue to move forward. I know you will as well. I am sending positive energy your way.

oh sweetD, you really DO have a lot of life to deal with when you feel low, stressed and in pain yourself, with the CFS as well..::(.............but you know yourself soooo well. I think when resentment starts to build in, action of some sort needs to be taken, because that takes SUCH a toll on the boday. You know yourself very well, but you CANT be MUM to them all, sweetheart, you really cant. OH! these holidays, they are so hard to deal with in so many ways...*sigh*..........you take lots of care and here is sending you LOADS of love.....Crazycat XXXXXX

My sweet Darla, you are so amazing. You must be true to yourself, if you don't feel well let others take over. If people are asking too much from you, you tell them this is all I can give.

It's funny, I can preach it but I can't do it. Let's both try this holiday.

Hugs,

Lori

Hmmmmmmm... I have a recipe that has 'confetti' in the name that uses parsnips... It looks really pretty, a three color thing.

My grandmother made them, and turnips, and other things 'southern' since she was born in 1898 and was from West-by-God-Virginia.

Hugs and Mojo for all the rest, and I'll go find that recipe.
Weebs

Turnips? Ew. Yuck. Gross. You're on your own there, sweetie!!

I'm glad you get to stay with your baby during her test. Thinking good thoughts about the results!!

I hope you get to relax all day today after that busy day of yours yesterday. I mean really? You scrubbed the floor? Sheesh! What do you think you are? Wonder Woman? *wink* Take a break and enjoy your day! *HUGS*

The really great thing is..is that you still care about how the household things get done ! Shows you are not all wrapped up in yourself even with chronic illness.

It's sunny here, too!!!

What a great mom you are. I hope Krystin will feel better soon! Rest up, Darla!

wow woman, slow down there. I have still got to get the energy up to hoover my living room and stairs, and the two bedrooms.. sheesh!
hope you are having a relaxing Sunday now. just take it easy. sit down have a couple of choccies, and a nice cup of coffee. ah now, isnt that grand!

Turnips! haven't had them in years. My mom would sprinkle nutmeg on them after she smashed them. Sounds sooooo good.

Gosh you have been busy. It's good to get it all done though. Yes we have turnips in soups and stews. Today we had turkey breast roast for lunch with mashed swede and carrots. Yummy stuff.

Glad you are feeling a bit better Darla and hope your Thanksgiving menu turns out ok.

Much love Jen xxx

Here's to beautiful memories and turnips! Phooey on everyone else is right!

You and your daughter are so blessed to have each other. I'm so sorry you didn't have a good night's rest. I haven't had one in awhile and it's the worst. I too love when everything is so nice and clean! It's such a good feeling.

I'm so glad you're resting today!

Much love always and always ... xoxoxoxo

Over did it, I'd say but I like how the work was delegated! Masterful! I remember my grandmother making 'Carnip' - mashed carrots and turnips, with butter and salt & pepper, YUMMY! Okay, so we'll leave Tuesday and be there Thursday. What times dinner? I have those stomach burners and that little pill each morning works for me, why, do you have troubles with it? I hope you enjoyed the day of rest..... we all need them!

I don't like turnips but here it is usually mashed with butter and pepper added too !!!Anyone that like turnip love it done that way ...
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uggghhh on not sleeping well again and tummy issues ..hope you figure it all out soon !!!

Huggssss

Yum ! I loovvee baked parsnips....
Yes dazla thats the hardest part ..get a little energy and overdo understandable but not wise....hard to resist but not wise...inevitableand a human woman reaction but not wise...did i mention its not wise..now now I am preaching to myself too you know!!!!!!!!
rememeber the bank...if you use all the money up there will be none we have to add ..
remember the spoons too......
good to remind myself too...
A open MRI I have never heard of them...thats good I hated having the closed in sort and yo8u are a loving mum....I am blessed to hear of yours and Kristins close relationship....
Cara and I have a more volataile one but none the less a very loving one...we can forgive and laugh and of course hug..
Hope the prosilec was kind to you Dazla and did the trick...sleep well luvvles from Julie

Well what a nice journal Darla, to hear your feeling good makes me so happy.. It is about time. You just enjoy the time with your daughter today and don't over do things.. I too am looking forward to thanksgiving although it will be just me and Terry I am ever so thankful for terry and the food we have and the warm roof over our heads.. God is so good to us. I do feel bad for the homeless and less fortunate people during the holidays though. Oh well another day for that uh? You just have a wonderful day. Lots of love from me to you..xxxoxoxoxooxox

So good to hear you're energetic and rested! Boy, that helps you see the world in a different light, huh? Do you not go to Christine's house or prefer not too? Family is weird, relationships. Sounds like an excellent day ahead and hope it continues for you, g/f...... We live 1 hour west of Toronto...... probably an 8-10 hour drive to pick up the Mustang. Is it a convertable? ????? xo

I don't suppose Bobby would be willing to make an extra cheesecake and send it to Iowa?? Yeah, I thought not! LOL! I'm so glad you're feeling better and are learning how to manage all this stuff. I hope you have a great day today!! *HUGS*

I am so glad. Have a good day and don't overdo. I had to switch to sleeping on my back. I never used to but with neck problems, sleeping on my stomach is not an option anymore and it used to be the only way I slept. Now I can only sleep on my back!! Weird. Hope you plan T day out well. I am glad the Benadryl helps. I think I told you to get that...I think. GOOD!!!!!!!!

I hope that you had a wonderful day...please don't over do it though so that you can enjoy Turkey Day with your family...thinking of you...I'll send you a big Chocolate Something Something too! LOL

Love your attitude!!!!!

hi darla.its so fantastic to hear your sleeping and you have energy,isnt it lovely when you feel like that ,its a bit like having your old life back.just remember to save a bit of energy for all that eating next week lol.take care love and hugs anthea xx

: )

Hugs and Mojo
Weebs