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EhaEha 
2:25pm, June 5, 2009
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This journal entry is viewable only by EhaEha's friends.
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I am trying to figure out why I am pissed all the time.
I find that I spend an inordinate amount of time angry. If I am not pissed it seems like my anger radar goes on ultra-sensitive settings until I find something. I don't get mad at my family; it's always stuff I have no power to change. I know that when I was working and would spend 8+ hours a day beating on things with a hammer it helped me to have a high tolerance to things that could set me off. Now I am just not sure. I know that I'm mad at myself, but I've always had anger aimed inward. Everything that is happening to me would be a whole lot easier to deal with if I had my mellow back.
I hope you all are happy and well.
Peace & Love
Tadd
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i know how ya feel Tadd. after my accident i was just a bastdard. not only was i angry i was a complete negative ass and focused on all the crap that came my way.
from what i learnt it is part of the process won goes through after a life altering event, such aS YOURS. the process is something like this:
1) denial, you try to carry on as normal, like before the accident.
2) anger,because 1 does'nt work and yoiu think the world sucks, and why me???
or maybe the other way around,
3) acceptance, that when you realise that it ain't going to be as you remember it, (peace with the reality), and
4) Bargaining, this is where you work out mwhat you can do and want to do. It is where a whole new world opens up, one you'd never expected to see, and possibly very positive.
that 4 step process is unacoidable and it happens to all who has been through what we have Tadd. it took me like 4 years to get passed step 1 and 2.
hey Tadd have you ever thought about educatuting yourself in construction Project management, you know being the BOSS who watches people do the hard yards, like what i'm doing, so that you can stay in an industry that you love!!!
also in that process you have to learn to slow down as an acceptance as well....... good luck my friend.
doubletrouble