Journal

It's been almost 3 months since we put alex to rest. I still get people who have no idea what is going on ask me how me and alex are doing. Josh and I are both coping the best way that we can. If we can get through the holidays it will be a miracle.

I still cry myself to sleep some nights, i still keep seeing alex in my dreams. We are close enough to where he is buried that we can see him on a weekly basis. We still think that its unfair that we had to bury our son. We shouldn't have had to do that, we should be watching him grow up. My faith in god is now completely destroyed. How could God take our son away from us like this.

We still haven't gotten any straight answers from the doctors either. The ob gyn who saw me after I had alex told us that he had fluid on his brain. If he had survived he wouldn't have had a very productive life.

I am 30 years old and I so desperatebly want to be a mother. We are looking into other options right now to have children.

As of next friday josh and i are moving back home. alex is put to rest. Neither of us is happy down here anymore. we want to go back home. Our real home is upstate newyork. We moved down here thinking that it would be better for alex to grow up. But since he was stillborn, there is no reason for us to be down here anymore.

Alexander's closure ceremony is on the 15th. Josh and I went tot he funeral home yesterday to set it up. I thought that it would be tough going there to arrange for our son to be buried. It was hard but i didn't burst into tears or anything in the funeral home.  we were able to get some things out of th storage unit. My husband's mom made a blanket that we are burying with our son. We have his recieving blanket but i want to keep that.The hospital also took pics of alexander.

He weighted 3pounds 1oz and he was 18 3/4 inches long.

He would have been a premature infant if he had gone full term. I was 37 weeks pregnant. I was considered full-term.