Started feel depressed
April 21, 2009 1:19am
I realized mothers day is comming up and this will be the first one without her. I wasn't sure what it was at first but I know depression. …
Progress
35 %
innerdeath
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About Me
innerdeath
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About Me
I been a massage therapist for over 8 yrs. I helped with our family rock and gem store my mom and pop started. We been tere 29 years. last month we had a house fire and I lost my sister who was a RN and my mother , I got out some how but couldn't sav e them. My father will turn 80 this month and all my energy is going to keep him going along with our shop. We know where the fire started. I have been in recovery for many years, I use to take AA meeting to jails and detox and rehabs. That made me happy.
I been a massage therapist for over 8 yrs. I helped with our family rock and gem store my mom and pop started. We been tere 29 years. last month we had a house fire and I lost my sister who was a RN and my mother , I got out some how but couldn't sav e them. My father will turn 80 this month and all my energy is going to keep him going along with our shop. We know where the fire started. I have been in recovery for many years, I use to take AA meeting to jails and detox and rehabs. That made me happy.
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Interests
I use to enjoy many things, from fishing to collecting rocks and gems. I guess I still have a kid inside me some where I like to body surf, I just need bigger waves now. I love the outdoors and the mountians good deal when you live in Florida. I like sunsets on the beach and helping people. I cut gems for our store and just to see the beauty of the stones. I also love to do massages I know how much they helped me. I need to get back to that place with God and know that happiness again.
I use to enjoy many things, from fishing to collecting rocks and gems. I guess I still have a kid inside
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Recent Activity
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Journal
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Today was my moms birthday
February 12, 2009 3:22am
I stayed in bed most of the day b/c of my depression. I could have stayed there all day. I got up to seeing my dad on the floor crying I should …
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I'm learning
November 19, 2008 5:24pm
I'm learning but I don't have no where near tha knowage that my mom had. It's been a strain on both my father and my self. I …
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It been a long time.
November 16, 2008 7:16pm
I been really over whelmmed taking care of my dad and trying to run our shop, and get all our bills paid. I got to close our shop to take him …
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BS
October 17, 2008 9:08pm
Sorry I haven't really written anyone or anything lately, bt our contractor has really FUKed us. He owes my father thousands of dollars, …
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Hugbook
Hug
When my daughter was killed, I thought I would die. I wanted to die. But if it had been my time to go, I would have been taken that night also. I realized that in order to honor my daughters memory in the most loving way that I can, I must become the best person I can be and try as hard as I can to be an asset to this world. I hope you come to your own realization soon. hugs jeanie
Hug
I'm doing good. Hang in don't let depression win. Are things getting back to normal now that your back in the house?
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Hug
Hey, just checking in on you to see how your doing.
Ray of Sunshine
Thank you so much for your hug and sweet message. I'm new on here. Sometimes I feel so alone with my grief. I'm so sorry you lost your sister and mother. You must know that you are still here for a reason! You may not know what it is yet... maybe to help your father? Help others get through a similar horrible situation? Better yourself and help others? Thank you for being kind to me. :)
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Hug
I am so sorry.
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Photos
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Support Groups
Close Bereavement
Type: Loss of a ParentOn 7/8/07 I was awaking to a room half full of smoke. In a effort to get to my mom and sister, I open the hallway door. A hot black cloud seared my face as I slam the door shut. It was solid darkness as I crawled on the floor. It wasn't till I found a leg of a lamp and that let me know where the window was. I tried to get to mom and my sister. I couldn't get them, I seen them carried out.Father wasn't home thank God. I'm here for my father or I'd be dead also that's it.
Treatments
- Prayer Working / Worked
- helps
- Support from Friends & Family Working / Worked
- There but can't use them, I can't open up.
Close Alcoholism
Hi my name and problem is Wally. I grew up with a father that drank a fifth a day. As a teenage I use to drink 20 oz cups of straight booze in one drink and fall around the neighbor hood. As time went on I didn't anything that would get me high. There was a time b4 I crossed that line I had a choice of what I did. After that the addiction took over and I hurt the people I loved the most. I been going to AA for over 20 yrs. I been sober 12 of those now and dry for the last 4 yrs.
Treatments
- 12 Step Program Working / Worked
- It took a while for me to get a attitude adjustment and find the right sponcer. I need to get back to meetings, exspecially after everything that has happened in the last yr. I would have a great excuse to drink but that would bring no honor to the ones I love.
- AA Meetings Working / Worked
- AA meetings saved my life, its been 4 yrs sense I went to meeting steady. I think I went to 6 in the last few yrs. It's my second family that I walked away from. It's hard for me to get back started, but I know if I dont it will be over for me.
- Detox Working / Worked
- I been to detox 5x. I also went into 4 90 day treatment programs. So far AA has been the only thing that worked along with the steps.
- Trazodone Working / Worked
- I needed that for sleep I still have problems sleeping. Worked some times.
- Willpower Working / Worked
- I had none
Open Depression
Type: Clinical (Major) DepressionThere was a time when everything was great. I found drugs and booze and my life has never been the same. There has been no real joy in my life for a long time, last yr. I lsot my mom and sister in a house fire. I got out but couldn't save anyone. I tell myself if I slept 5 more min. I would be with them right now. The only thing keeping me going is that my father wasn't home at the time. I'm afraid that if something happened to him I would go off the deep END for good. There no happiness now.
Treatments
- Effexor Working / Worked
- didnt work
- Paxil Working / Worked
- didnt work
- Positive Thinking Working / Worked
- cant find any
- Prozac Working / Worked
- didnt work
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- I'm setting that up now
- Support from Friends & Family Working / Worked
- Support from my father, but I'm shutting out friends.
- Trazodone Working / Worked
- worked for sleep
- Wellbutrin Working / Worked
- didnt work
Open Eating Disorders
Type: BulimiaFor a long time I stayed fit until I crushed my leg in a hit and run motorcycle accident. After 14 operations to keep my leg I started to binge eat, and confort eat. I would eat whole bags of cookies and milk just for example. This is the first time I'm admitting that I have a problem. I would look at all the other things I had going on and push this to the back and tell myself "there no problem" The other day I ate 3 bags of candy in one sitting. I'd tell myself its ok b/c I'm not doing drugs.
Open Accidents
In 1984 I was in a hit and run motorcycle accident. They never cought the guy. I had a tib. fib. compound fracture right below my knee. I had a cage on my leg for over 2 yrs. due to a infection that became anti-bio. resistant and ended up with a port in my chest for 2 yrs not knowing if I was going to keep my leg. Now my knee is giving me problems and the DR. said it would be real risky to try to have a replacment b/c all the damage done to my leg. I use to water ski, snow ski, run. Its no more
Open Cocaine Addiction & Recovery
I started drink and smoking pot very young. By 14 I was doing coke by 17 I was shooting it. It was till I got bit by the crack bug that things got bad fast. I did everything I said I would never do.When I want to stop smoking that rock I used needles, and to stop thatI smoked it. I been around the rooms for over 20 yrs. I took meeting to jails, detox, I been without using dope for about 12 yrs. I got to get back to meetings that's my second family.
Treatments
- Detox Working / Worked
- ?? for the time I was there.
- Narcotics Anonymous (NA) Working / Worked
- I went there but ended up in AA b/c there was a lot more long term soberity. yes it work but I haven't been going for the past 4 yrs. I was half dry but still kept friends that were in active recovery. I went to a meeting last monday i got to get back.
Open Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
Hi a little over a year ago we had a house fire. My room was half filled with smoke so when I went out to the hall door to wake my mom and sister, I was ingulped in a solid black cloud I didn't know where I was. I slammed the door and crawled on the floor till i seen a tamble leg so I knew where the window was. I ran to there rooms yelling for them but no anwser. The one thing I did here waqs a thud and that was one of them less than 15'away and it was mom my or sister. It still haunts me.
Treatments
- Art Working / Worked
- I dut gem stones like rubys and sapphires, Draw, paint. The thing is I still have a hard time seeing the lovely things in life. It works sometimes b/c we have a rock and gem store and my mom and dad loved the things God but on this earth.
- Paxil Working / Worked
- ???
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- Just starting dont know
- Remeron Working / Worked
- still waiting to see if it will work.
- Seroquel Working / Worked
- ??
- Supportive Care Working / Worked
- still looking for that
- Talking Working / Worked
- a little
