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mom of 3 
7:44pm, August 10, 2009
T-Man is not stepping up to plate. He needs to do one paper - that's all - to graduate - he's had no other homework - he didn't have to study for anything - just one paper that we offered to help him with numerous times and yet - he isn't doing it! He leads us on and lets us believe he's "on my way home" to work on it and then..... nothing. No show. In fact, he blew off school yesterday to "work on his paper" and then after writing one sentence, he took off. I know he's frustrated (he told me that he's very stressed out) and has a difficult time starting but isn't taking the next step by asking or accepting help. Now he only has one absence allowed and he may be kicked out of the program. I won't be home when he is supposed to get up and out the door. Sigh.
He always does this - he is within an inch from making it to the finishing line and then..... he quits. He just plain stops. This has been a pattern for him the last couple of years and it's so frustrating. Obviously, the last couple of years made it difficult for him to focus on school but I was hoping he'd be able to manage this.
Here's where the Serenity Prayer comes in. I will repeat it a number of times to remind myself that I'm not the one in charge here.
Update: He came home from school, after talking to his teacher, and she said he doesn't need to rush the paper. There is no hurry. She realized the stress he was putting on himself. Yes - even the stress of starting it seems to be the biggest obstacle. The problem with telling him not to "hurry" is that gives him even more room to "wiggle". Oh well, not my problem. Hopefully, he will accept the help when he's ready.
Comments
There is also the stress of completing and moving into the the stage of life after graduating?! Good to see that the faculty recognized the stress and hopefully T will engage in the process rather than avoid. Also, it the target (paper completed) too big and he needs a plan with "bite size" steps? Take Care!!
penpal
I will keep T in my prayers. I know this is a big problem for a lot of young adults his age. Does he get any help for dealing with stress, anxiety, etc. like seeing a counsellor or anything like that? I know that really helped my son, but I also know it's not for everyone. Hang in there, your a great Mom. YOu offered help and the rest is up to him. Hugs, Dorothy
ddmaries
He used to see a counselor and used to be on medication (not sure if it helped, anyway) but he doesn't want to go anymore. Wish he would - the reinforcement by a counselor might help more than it would coming from his parents. This is where prayer comes in.
mom of 3
Yep, it's always a benefit when someone else can reinforce the message from the parents.....someone, it seems more credible to them -- LOL! I hope the renewed support from the faculty will help him get back on tract and finish. Otherwise, if he drops out....do you have a plan? Take Care!!!!!
penpal
I know you are trying to let him go through it himself, but as Mom you are struggling, wishing he would take advice, and allow you to tell him he is capable of so much. It's so hard.. you are a good Mom, and your role is to just be there when it is all said and done. I will be watching to see if he pulls it off, and praying he does, and it adds to his self esteem. Good luck. Also, thanks for your words of support for me, I'm not ready to post anything yet, just taking a sheepish "peek" at ds today. Always nice to see you out there fighting the good fight. Hugs.
BAB09