marylouwho's Journal

Life spins in a circle at times.  Been here done this.  Oh, this is familiar.  What will it take to break this pattern?  Hey look the merry go round has gone around again.  Whippie.  Opps getting boring.  Shit what will it take to stop this ride?  Oh please just make it stop.

The question from yesterday is actually a two parter:

Part one DID YOU GET IT YET?  And when I submit the correct answer of surrender the cycle will stop and my nausea will subside.  What am I doing to be responsible for spinning   around and around and around and around in a circle always returning to the same place? Why do allow this pattern?

Part two of the question is DO YOU UNDERSTAND YOUR VALUE AND WORTH? Ok, well I try to love and be the presence of love.  I  try to be unconditional love to all. Do I get a gold star for effort?  But the bigger question that I learned from a male friend.  He isn't even aware that he taught me this.... am I loving myself?  Well am I?

When I allow people to walk over my boundries and stomp on my friendliness.....am I loving myself?  No, I guess not.   Why or rather how could I do that to myself?  I am the best friend I got.  How could I disrespect myself by allowing myself to be a victim? Shit, did I even just use that word?  Victim. No, I am no one's victim.

Victim consciousness is negative thinking from a contracted state of being.  It is holding onto hurts and complaining.  It moves us away from awareness.  It separates us from our greater good ( the god source).

I need to love myself to honor my part of this divine creation. If I am one with all there is,  then disrespecting myself is like disrespecting God and all there is. We are one in the same. Self love and respect is very important. Yes I think after 46 years of dysfunction I believe in this NOW moment I am finally respecting and nurturing my soul.

I'm learning to not resist life.  Resistance of "what is"  in life is the ultimate contracted state.  It produces discord.  When we resist our own divinity we are committing a act of violence upon ourselves. We can't over come resistance by resisting it. I'm learning to spontaneously LET GO.  Not to justify or defend, no recognition for my big  personal accomplishments, not to think too much or scheme, no one to blame when things don't go right, don't need to call a friend and tell "the story".  No explainations...just live. Just be.  I'm not waiting for anything to fall into place before life starts. 

So when God asks me....Do I understand my own value and worth?  The answer is yes I do.   So in this place I have a great foundation to build my new life.