NikkiMk's Journal

i quit....

i want to just quit, im sick of being sick and depressed all the fucking time, i want to just disapear.....

tonite i snapped, i lose, and i gave up on winning.

my mom has continuously lied to me and i keep falling for her bullshyt

and then wen i confront her she tells me to calm down and shell explain in the morn! i dont wanna wait til morning i wanna know now!

y does she think i can be used...she keeps lieing saying shes coming back in an hour but doesnt for like 6 hrs and its driving me insane....

it keeps triggering the memories of her going out with the fucking douche bag who wrecked my life, how theyd rent a hotel room and get high all the time... and leave me with ed.

why am i soo fucking easy to leave?

why doesnt she warn me?

im sick of it 

i need help... my mind has reached its limit and i quit

that doesnt mean im gonna kill myself trust me i wudnt, i have nothing but pure loathing for those selfish fools who just leave all the pain and only cause more for others.

but thats another story...

but i quit doing shyt for her and playing babysitter...i quit!

im sick of being used due to the fact im sick

yes im home all day, yes im usually nto making plans, and yes ill do nething for that little girl and gramma. 

but, i have reached wits end, her bullshyt is straight out the past and its bringing alot of skeletons out that im trying to hide, 

those nites at 10 yrs old being left with my uncle ((thnk gawd eh was there)) while she went and fucking got high with the god damn pedafile. and shes now leaving me everynite to babysit while she drinks with her new frend....

i   cant   take   it   ne  more!!

i need, want, willing to accept help, but i dont know wat to do idont wanna be locked away for a lil while to recover but i want out

i want to see someone who will listen to me and talk to me with out tryin to intefere, i want help from a thrid party who will show me that im wrong, ryt, or even just in a tough position someone who will give two shyts about how im feeling! im sick of being in constant pain and she continous to hurt mee