Journal

lately i have been good

i finally saw a psychiatrist and have been able to get out alot of what was bothering me

i still need her help but she has helped me see things in a happier way and helped me find new ways to vent 

my bf as always is super supportive and my mom got barred from the bar so things have been good

my uncles helping out with the house and we have money coming in and im job hunting to help me raise funds for college after i do my ged

so right now i am pretty good i am working on everything and making my life go smoother with less negative thinking.

i dropped out of school due to the fact i am sick all the time and cant keep up

i  feel like crap lately

im miserable

i dont know wat to do ne more

my frends r clueless to how i feel

my bf keeps tryin to cheer me up

but its nto working

i need serious help...asap

i am seeing a therapist which is great when im there but 2 days later im jsut as bad as i was b4

i want this shyt to end

i want to be fucking happy!!!!!!!!!!!

 i dont know what to do ne more

i cant deal with my shyt ne more

my mind wont shut up

i have lost all interest in everything from music to my frends

i need an end to all this shyt

and i dotn know wat to doo!!!!!!!!!

I NEED HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

last nite showed my moms true colors to me.

i was baby sitting like usual and my mom lied and ditched me like usual. but i was on a new medicine for my head and still am loopy and unpredictable. it makes me weak, drowsy, numb, and many other things since its a seizure medicine. 

so i call her asking ehr to come home early she says okay ill be home in an hour and she asks my bf to watch things while i take a nap. an hour passes and no ones home and he has to go home, and im much worse, to the point i wanna go the hospital. 

so he wont leave unless i ahve some one there so he starts calling my mom, and her bf. they wont answer. his dad calls him and so my bf gives him their numbers and his dad calls them they dont answer his dad. his dad gets mad at this point. 

so my bf is calling like crazy calling all the ppl we know they know calling teh bar all that they wont answer us. finally the 7ys olds dad comes home and yells at mike for calling hisfone he thoiguht it was an emergency. he hadnt notcied me...go figure. so mike tells his dad he doesnt trust him. so mike takes me to his dad car pleading to his dad to take me with them to the hospital or even their home. id prefer to stay home cuz i know the hospital wont see me if my mom isnt there to sign her stupid bullshyt name. 

so his dad talks to mike and me and mike lets me stay home after staying in my appt for like 45 min. so while we r in my appt my mom calls. she lies to mark like she does me. she says her tire blew.  but mike ends up leaving cuz his dad says hell check for my mom

they drive by yoyos and haha theres my moms car. its fine... non blown tire... no one working on it.... no people around it.... she lied.....

 so i lay down after all this still feeling like total shyt like i wannago the hospital cuz i hate these meds, they make me feel horrible and my mom promised to call the doctor yesterday instead she went out drinking. 

so wen i woke up she went up to me and started yelling at me how dare u and shyt like i was wrong to call her in an emergency that wen im sick i shudnt call her. isnt that when we are supposed to call people? and then she storms out.

in conclusion anychance of me sticking around after highschool have been shot she has ruined my relationship with her officially and i want to get away from her as soon as i can.