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CynK 
7:32pm, September 29, 2008
Somehow I thought I would be better at this by now, but I'm not! This has been a very rough day. And then I remember reading a note from someone that was many more years out than I am and she said it was about 5 years before she felt she was "living" again. Maybe by the time I reach 5 years I will feel like I'm living again. Here's hoping!
Thanks to everyone here for all you're hugs and positive thoughts. I don't have the words to express how much it means! I love you all so much!!!
Comments
It does take years. There is no time limit on grieving. Its been 14 plus years since my youngest son passed. There is hope......
tomtom
I don't know if birthdays will ever get any easier...sorry, that's not very positive is it? Maybe time will prove me wrong. Day to day gets easier though I've found and I hang on to that. Big hugs for you my friend. Charlotte.
FJsMum
There is certainly no time line to follow. I do pretty good most days but yesterday out of the blue came the tears. We can't anticipate, just go with the flow. Hoping tomorrow is better. Love to you. Robin
Robin4
I have been having a rough time lately. It never ceases to amaze me how out of no where the sad feelings return... I have many blessings, but I miss my boy. Love to you...Karen
biowoman
I feel just like Karen described also. Today I struggled to not cry and scream but managed to keep it together. Sending you love and hugs for strength, Vera
Ericksmom
fall/autumn used to be my favorite season. dont know if it is anymore as my son was killed on oct 29th, 10 days after his 27th birthday.........this used to be such a reflective time for me............i guess it still may be, but in such a different way. take care please.............about the how far out.........i just dont know. i has not been quite a year for me yet..........am sensing an anxiety of the upcoming date..........still cant believe it nor that it has been a year.
misshimsooo
i lost my son a little over a year ago very unexpectedly-he passed during the night and it took more than 24 hours to get into his apartment. he was 34. i have been suicidal on and off and i am seeing a therapist. my pain is with me always and i cry at any given time. those who have not been through it are incapable of understanding the depth of pain.
sardavid
One day at a time. Don't think about the future. Don't think about how long you will feel this way. Just take one day at a time. Love, Julia
JulsMarie
Oh Cyn. Sweetie, It is a grief that never totally leaves us. no matter how many years it has been. My youngest son has been dead 6 years and 5 months. My oldest 1 year and 8 months, with my step daughter dying just 3 days after his memorial service. I am better some days than others. Some days, I feel like I am literally just way back at the beginning of it all. It will always be an up and down journey for us all,I believe. It is also important that you never compare yourself or your grief to anyone elses. You are the only one who knows what you feel, and how bad it is. Never feel like you should be doing any more or any diffrent than what you feel you can do. I know that once I just sat down and said to myself,"These are my children, I am their Mom, this is my grief, and I am entitled to grieve anyway I want for as long as I need to" I was much better off. I more or less at the same time claimed my grief, and let go of my expectations of myself and others. I do not mean that we should give up. I think we should pray, cry grieve, scream or what ever we need to do at this moment in our journey through our grief. I just know that I was expecting way too much from myself. I always felt like I should be able to be strong and hold it together for everyone else. That is impossible, and it was putting way too much pressure and expectations on myself. I was my own worst enemy for a long time. When people ask me how I am, I DO NOT have to say that I am better or fine. It is allright and completly honest and acceptable for us to say "Well to tell you the truth, I am struggling real hard right now." Or " I am having a bad week this week." I still go one step forward and 2 steps back. I still cry uncontrollably at times. What ever you do or feel, you have lost your child, and you are suffering the worst pain possible. Be kind to yourself. You would be kind and sympathetic to another person who is grieving so why not to yourself? I understand.Love Peggy
grndmudder
I think you just learn to cope with it better as the years go by,losing a child no matter how old ,it feels like a piece was taken with them of you and you never get it back. Wishing you peace this week.
With Love
Cindy
kynurse