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CynK 
7:32pm, September 29, 2008
I've just gotten back from NC for my mom's family reunion. I was dreading it more than I can explain in a few words. My brother and sister and I have been working on trying to settle my grandmother's estate (she died 38 years ago). Of her 16 children only 8 were alive when she died. And those 8 could not come to an agreement about the estate. To make a VERY long story reasonably short...my mother has bought up each of the others' parts of the estate except for one and she died 3 years ago and now we're trying to work out w/her heirs a settlement. My mom's one surviving sibling has been creating a bunch of trouble for us trying to keep the estate from being settled. He already has his share (he was the only one named in the will to get something particular (the house & some land - 40% of the value of the estate). Now he wants more land and has been such a jerk about everything. Anyway, that's the main reason why I was dreading the reunion. But surprisingly everything went pretty well. We all just pretended that my uncle hadn't called us all names and said dreadful things about us. We still don't have the estate settled, but no one got punched out. I just don't understand why some people get so wrapped up in material things and are willing to hurt their own families for material things. I just don't get it. Why do some people get so greedy???
This was the first reunion I've been to since Weston died. His service was the same weekend as the reunion. I just couldn't force myself to go last year. It's been a tradition that there would be a memorial for any member of the family that died the day before the reunion. My mother is the organizer of the reunion and she has never asked me if I wanted to have a memorial for Weston. She just decided not to do it. She never mentions his name. She never asks me how I'm doing. It's as if Weston just never existed to her. It just kills me, but I can't confront her about it. She is 80 years old and I try to understand where she is coming from. I just wish she would do the same for me. I guess I'm asking too much.
Love to all who are reading this!
Comments
I can't answer the question of greed. I do know no matter how much you say that everything will be civil after a death and the assets will be split fairly, it usually doesn't happen. Atleast that's been the scenario in my family. I'm sorry your mom isn't more willing to talk about Weston and honor him with a memorial. Perhaps she thinks it is too painful for you. It's hard for others to know what comforts us unless we tell them. Hoping things go well with the settlement. Love to you. Robin
Robin4
I so know where you are coming from when it comes to dealing with family & our dead children - my family never mentions Billy at all & they aren't 80. I am with you - I just don't understand. Billy's b'day is on Thanksgiving this year & I can guarantee it will not be mentioned by anyone that day. But what can we do but continue to talk about our children & hope ....Hugs, Ann
annsullivan
thank you for sharing with us, especially the mother thing (your mother), sometimes people just dont know what to do..........please take care, love donna
misshimsooo
As a home care nurse for 15 years I can begin to tell you the horror stories I dealt with when it came to family dynamics when dealing with an aging loved ones estate. There were times I literally had to get up and walk away from a family conference for a while for fear of what I would say, which wouldn't have been too professional. I sickens me the way some families value the material over the family member(s). I'm glad you were able to get through your family reunion without much ado. That poem someone just printed entitled "Say his name" comes to mind when you mention your mother. I know it's probably her way of dealing with things, but still it's comforting to us when people do talk about your children. *Hug* Adrianne
JerryJsMom
I'm glad to hear you survived the reunion and hopefully you can finally get the estate thing all settled once and for all. I don't know where your Mom is coming from in not mentioning Weston...who knows what she is thinking. I know I love hearing about him and am always happy to hear stories about him. Maybe that is b/c we all share that special (yet tragic) bond. So good to hear from you. Sending prayers for peace, hugs and lots of love...Lynn
l8gra
So good to hear from you, I am glad that the reunion went smoothly especially considering the circumstances. I have never understood families behaving so badly, even though it is not unusual. I am sorry that your mom doesn't get what you need or want when it comes to Weston. Maybe because of her age she is confused about what she is supposed to do? I hope you write again soon...I miss hearing from you...love to you...Karen
biowoman
Sometimes our families can be the hardest people to be with when we need them most. I am pleased you got through the reuinion ok. Love Charlotte.
FJsMum
I agree sometimes family are the hardest peoplw to deal with. Death and estates seem to bring out the worst in people. Maybe your Mom also hurts to talk about Weston, I know it does hurt like hell when no one mentions their names and it seems to me they have been forgotten. They haven't Weston lived and loved and his life was and is important and those who haven't lost someone will never understand. Hope you can get this estate stuff settled. Love and hugs Cathy
RockstarsMom