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CynK 
7:32pm, September 29, 2008
This was in the lastest Compassionate Friends newsletter. Just thought it was worth sharing. I think I'm also going to email it to a bunch of my friends.
If They Only Knew
If only they knew that when I speak of him, I am not being morbid. I am not denying his death. I am proclaiming his life. I am learning to live with his absence. For 26 years (28 for me) he was a part of my life, born, nurtured, molded and loved - this cannot be put aside to please those who are uncomfortable with my grief.
If only they knew that when I sit quietly, apparently content with my own company, I am not self indulgently unhappy, dwelling on things which cannot be changed; I am with him. I am seeing his face, hearing his voice, remembering his laughter, recalling his excitement and joy in his life. Please allow me this time with him, as I do not begrudge you your time with your children.
If only they knew that when I sometimes weep quietly, I do not cry in self pity for what I have lost. I weep for what he has lost, for the life he loved, for the music which filled his very being, and for all he still longed to hear, for the poetry which moved him to tears, for the beauty about him that daily fed his soul, for the exhilaration and excitement of flying the shies, of searching for his God in the fast space of the universe. For all that he loved and lost, I cry.
If only they knew the feeling of deep grief, the emptiness, the dull pain, the endlessness of death. If only they understood the insanity of the platitudes so freely spoken -- that "time heals," that "you'll get over it," that "it was for the best," that "God takes only the best," -- and realize that these are more an insult than a comfort, that the warm and compassionate touch of another means so much more.
If only they knew that we will not find true peace and tranquility until we are prepared to try to stand in the shoes of others. We will not be understood until we learn to understand compassionately and we will not be heard until we learn to listen with hearts as well as our minds.
Jan McNess (Victoria, Australia)
Comments
This brought me to tears. How very true these words are. Thank you for sharing it with us.
JerryJsMom
Thanks for sharing. I feel it in my heart. Every word so true. Love, Lucille
joeymom
Cyn, I had read this in the newsletter. It is so true. We still plan to visit the Estill Springs meetings when we can. Next time you are near Jasper, let me know. I would love to get together for lunch sometime. Love, Kim
KimRW
Thanks for sharing this with us. The words are so true...Hugs, Connie
ConH
So very true - I love it...thanks for sharing...
annsullivan
No truer words!
gkg21
If only they knew....and we pray they never will. Things like this should be placed in every funeral home around the world. People want to comfort, but don't know how, so they rely on old cliches which hurt more than help. Hugs, Teri.
RememberKala
So true...if only. I'm glad they don't but wouldn't it be much easier if others understood. Thank you so much for sharing, we don't have CF near so I appreciate the info. Love to you friend. Robin
Robin4
So true. I rarely cry for my own loss but for his. So many things yet to be done and now never to be done. So well written. Many thanks for sharing. Love and hugs Cathy
RockstarsMom
Wow...yeah...makes me cry...love to you...Karen
biowoman
That says it all for us. It would be such a lonely road if not for all of you on DS who truly do know... Thanks for sharing this. Love, Julia
JulsMarie
Thanks for sharing this...I have read it a coupld of times and just now got back to it to re-read it.
It is so meaningful and fills a need for me today.
Thanks,
Ann
AnnM
That is amazing! Thank you for sharing and I think I will share it as well. Love, Vera
Ericksmom