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KrusH 
5:09pm November 23
It's not worth it. And don't tell me it is. Everyday I pray for some kind of repose, but it is never seen. You are the closest thing to happiness i have My life has become a dank pit. An exercise in futility. As hard as I try, as much as I fight, I am always beaten. Sitting there in the employment office today, surrounded by alcoholics, drug addicts, and wastes of resources who live to suck at the teat of the caring liberal government, I realized, I am one of them. A waste. A pointless human being never to accomplish anything, and never to have a true purpose. The employees there stared at me. My jeans torn, my coat weathered and old. My eyes red and glazed over. I can only imagine what they might think. Why would this young lean man feel he is unable to work? What makes this young man think he has so many troubles? Why doesn't he just get up and do something? Do they care? I heard the snide comments. I saw the hateful glances. I felt the hostility. Across from me on the wall hung a picture. A young girl standing in a field of tall grass.
P-R-I-O-R-I-T-I-E-S
Because in one hundred years, it will not matter what kind of car you drove
what kind of house you lived in, or how much money is in your bank account
But you may change the world if you are important to a chile
C-O-M-P-A-S-S-I-O-N
Only when we understand the pain of others can we help them overcome them
P-E-R-S-R-R-V-E-R-A-N-C-E
Even if you are on the right track
nothing will happen unless you make the choice to move forward
As they looked at me, i slippedmy hand into my pocket on my knife.
I stabbed my thumb until it bled. I dont think i have ever felt so pointless
And here I sit. Ready to bleed from the hateful stares and snide comments of the people with the nerve to hang these posters. I am nothing to them. I am a parasite and they dont need me, society doesnt need me. I cant contribute. I cant be useful. I can never change the world. I can never be understood by more then a select few people. And im on the wrong road and im not moving. I may not be dead. But I am not living. Its not worth eating or drinking. I am simply wasting the worlds resources. Save them for someone with hope. Ill lie here in the toom of my room, waiting for eternity to pass me by. Waiting for fate to make its play. Im not worth the words you just read. I thank you for reading. But consider this. In thirty years, will you care if I bled? Will you care if I cried? Will I have changed anything in the slightest? I cannot truly say. But I hold my doubts that i will have changed anything. I hate my life. I have no true joy. My life truly is void of any sustained light. You are the candle in my dark pit. Thank you. I pray it will change. But there is no evidence that it will get better. If i must live among the human trash, i suppose i might as well try and fit the role.
Comments
You may not care that I say this but I'm going to say this anyway...
You are not a waste.
You shine.
You still amaze me....
I feel as though you pulled these words from my mind...
We're in the same place but over 2,000 miles apart.
I'd give alot for you to be able to step into the minds of the people who see you at least half of the way I see you.
Fuck society and whatever a 'normal' life may be...our lives are definitely not wonderful, nor are they filled with happiness but they are there eventhough we don't know why.
You don't see how strong you are. I see a strength in you that I have honestly never seen in another person.
Loneliness, pain, depression, anxiety...all of that shit lurks around us, more than a lot of other people, but there's a reason for it...as cliche' as that sounds, I believe it's true. It shapes you and molds you into who you are.
If we've woken up today, there's a reason for it.
And tomorrow could bring whatever good this life holds for us. The key to happiness or whatever the hell it is that makes us feel like we're not wandering around so fucking pointlessly.
You, more than most, are here for a reason. I can't imagine, nor do i want to imagine, my life without you and i'm sure i'm speaking for others when I say that.
You have more to offer this world than you know.. You are so, so very much more than what you see within yourself and I am not just saying this...You know me and I am speaking completely from my heart.
In 30 years, I'll still know you as the person who made me realize that there was so much more to me than what I saw...who made me feel beautiful...who made me realize that not every guy was incapable of feeling something for someone like me...You've taught me how to understand things more and see things for what they truly are more than I had before. I'll still see you as this amazing person who i've been so privileged to meet, love, and connect with on levels i've never connected with anyone else.
So, yes. I will still care. I will still love you and if i'm alive, i'm sure i'll still be by your side in some way.
You are amazing, I promise you that. And one day your life will be as amazing as you are because it's what you deserve.
I'm here, you know where to find me.
ChristinaCat85
err no, if you have to live among the human trash you might as well be one of those nice little tree airfreshners that is smart and smells good (shutup, im not as good at metaphors as you are.) i wont promise you your life will ever live up to all that you deserve, but i really do hope it gets better, and im gonna be here to watch & help & sing & dance for/with you :]
i love you ! i love you :] i love youuu i love youuuuuuuu.
-iris magical badger bearer of light
HONESTYis
oh, and don't abhor your existence. it makes me happy and im sure it makes other people happy as well. but mostly me.
:]
HONESTYis