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KrusH 
7:21pm November 16
With fibromyalgia and arthritis you would be lead to believe the pain that cripples me to be unable to walk, that brings me to such pain that i find myself laying on the floor vomiting, that i take take far too many pills in desperate hope of reliefe, but compared to the real pain this is nothing. In the forgotten museum that is my mind sit memories of grandeur and glory. Times that I felt important and strong. I remember people applauding me and my accomplishments. I remembered success and joy. But all good things fade. But so do the bad times.
This is the dynamic equilibrium of the universe. Balance. Joy and sorrow are found in equal proportion. It may not be person to person because it is simply the universes attempt, an attempt at balance. And where there were the joyous times of my life, a great sorrow began to replace them. It started slowly, hitting in waves that were manageable. But as the years progressed it got much worse and progressed exponentially. By the time I was sixteen I was sixty. Seventeen I was seventy five. And now, here at nineteen I stare down at the withered hands of an old man, worn by decades of hard work and strife. Strife that never occurred. You want to understand the true pain? The true pain my friend is growing old before my time. Being broken. And above all, being weak. Weakness, physically or mentally. However it may be it tears me apart. It fuels itself and drowns hope. Every time I feel weak I allow it to consume me. For years I have mired through the swamps of pain bogged down in sorrow. But I have begun to fight back, and it is only when we fight that we can see our true weaknesses. In order to surpass them, we must embrace them.
To be able to effectively end something we must understand it, embrace it, feel it. And only then can we surpass it. I have seen my weakness, and my weakness is that I feel I am more weak than I am. So i am fighting back. Finally trying to rise about it. It is a long journey but only through experience can we gain strength, and so is my plan. Okay if you read this please comment. PLEASE! even if you just say "hi" or anything. even if its empty, just something please.Thank you for your time :)
Comments
Ignorance is bliss. So often have I heard this simple yet powerful phrase. Those who speak it dare to dip their fingers into a pond of thought. From a glance it looks shallow, but it runs deeper than ever expected. Ignorance is bliss. But bliss is fleeting. Bliss is shallow, it comes like the wind. Invisible, known only by the quick and overwhelming feelings of what one would think is joy. It is physical and cheap, a whore among emotions. You can buy bliss. Be it the candy bar in the store, or the lost soul on the corner. There is an excitement before it happen, our bodys preparing for the quick thrill. It happens and all seems right with the world. This wind that is bliss washes over us, and then it is gone. It leaves us jaded and joyless.
My life has been a constant pursuit to rid myself of ignorance. At every turn I fight ignorance with my only weapon, Knowledge. When faced with an issue I can respond quickly. Some call it intuitive reaction, training ones body to react before the mind needs to process a situation. But I have trained my mind to work faster then the reaction. When faced with a problem, i choose to act not react, because I have armed myself with knowledge. Knowledge is not the hand of Midas though,it does not turn things to gold with a simple touch. Knowledge often leaves seems to leave us cold and frightened. We see the world and the dangers that surround us. We see corruption at the highest echelons of power. We see disease and death, war and hate. But this is not Knowledge.
What I have seeked is true Knowledge. The answers to the questions that build life. But he who seeks answers must be weary, for the answer is often painful and frightening. This is again not true Knowledge. True knowledge is not just finding a painful answer. True knowledge is finding that painful answer, and using their collected information to expand upon it. To see how the pain from it is useful to them. What caused the pain, how did it start? How can they remedy the problem, or learn to endure it. True knowledge is like a mountain. Unbelievably to get to the top, to grasp the goal. But when you do, you can see the world for what it is. You see the sadness and grief and rise above it. True knowledge does not let you fall, it has deep roots as old as time itself. And that is what my life seeks. This true Knowledge.
Ignorance is bliss. but knowledge, Knowledge is utter Euphoria
Comments
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absolutely amazing.
What do you think about Gay Marriage?- I dont think about it lol. But its a good thing :D
Have you ever been bullied?- Ya. In grade two. Then i punched the kid in the face and he spent the rest of lunch hour laying on the ground crying. Why didnt i do that from the start?
Have you ever bullied some one else?-Yup. I Bullied Jesus then i went to hell :O
Do you think the statement "all men are created equal" Everyone is Equal. I Just kick ass lol :P Kidding!
How would you describe your homelife?- ALONE! THANK GOD :D
Have you ever stuck up for someone when they were being bullied?- Ya. And like for real this time, not just a stupid story about Jesus lol
Do you have a deep, dark secret?- Oh the secrets I have.
Who knows this secret?- Some of them are unknown by all
If the love of your life moved four states away, would you stay with them?- Well im alone so does this apply? lol
What are some things that would make you break up with someone?- Cheating on me, being convicted of sexual crimes, getting drunk and calling me Ester Perriwinkle.
Have you ever had something to do with a crime?- Oh so many times its CRAZY!
When was the last time you said I love you and ment it romantically?- May I hide now?
Same as above but to you?- Still hiding me areee
What would you do if the love of your life was in serious danger?- Eliminate the danger.
What was the worst breakup you've ever had?- WAHHHHHHHHHHH
What would you do if you saw a homeless person crying?- Assume they just ate an onion raw.
Have you ever given money to a homeless person?- When i was small and dumb.
What is the worst thing you've ever said to someone?- I denied their existance, and then threatened to murder them, note, with knife in hand
Could you leave the current person you're dating if they cheated?- I am dating nobody, but if I were, I could.
Have you ever been cheated on?- Never.
What song means most to you?- Mad World, or Breaking the Habit.
Which person/people mean most to you?- Mandie and Christy.
How much do you care about family?- I keeeel them :D
Have you ever been disowned from a family member?- Did they actually own me?
Have you ever been disowned from a friend?- Sure why not?
Have you ever disowned someone?- Yup, a few car peoples.
What pattern describes your mood right now?- The pink panda taco ate my uncle doc. I flopped on the floor and cried toilet paper, and drank coke with my eyes.
What color describes your modd right now?- Red.
Can you think of a reasonable answer to why you feel the way you do?- Because i like it.
Have you ever felt as if you lost your One True Love?- Aiyee!
Have you ever actually slept with someone (not sex)?- Um ya. Ive slept with people i dont even know. Oh how the party days of my life were strange. and i mean literal sleep.
How did if feel when you first kissed your current bf/gf?- I dont has one
What does it feel like to hold their hand?- Piee.
Have you ever been forced to do something you didn't want to do?- ya. Its called life.
Who do you think is smarter: You or your Parents?- Anyone. Even my mentally challenged non existent niece lol
Describe what you feel in your heart right now:-PUMP FOR GODS SAKES! WE GONNA DIE! teehee
When you close your eyes, what do you see?- To answer this you would need to leave your sanity at the door and your convictions at home.
What do you dream of?- All people on earth died. I was utterly alone so i destroyed heaven. The corpses of every dead person in existence rained down on me as i attacked animals. Hey, you asked.
Would you take home a hurt animal you found outside?- I cant sadly.
How would you feel if you couldn't have the person you're with?- I am also alone.
What would you do without your best friends?- Explode into doomballs.
What would you do without your family?- Exactly what im doing without them right now lol
If you lost everything, how would you survive?- Been there done that. Its called resiliency.
Would you take care of your sick parents/grandparents?- Parents no. Grandma yes.
What have you accomplished in your life so far?- Survival.
UN- Who was your first roommate?- Sister and her manthing.
DEUX- What was your first job?- Carwash. Sing the song and i swear to God i'll rip your throat off and eat it :)
TROIS- What was your first car?- Shit, an oldsmobile eighty eight or a chevy S10. i dont remember which one
QUATRE- When did you go to your first funeral and viewing?- No idea
CINQ- Who was your first grade teacher?- Mrs. Oldpants. I dunno lol
SEPT- Where did you go on your first ride on an airplane? Never did. I have been on a military helicopter though
HUIT- Who was your first Best Friend? No idea
DIX- Where was your first sleepover? Also no idea
ONZE- Who is the first person you call when you have had a bad day? I dont know
TREZE- What is the first thing you do in the morning? I usually throw myself out of bed grab my combat knife and look around in a state of terror.
QUATORZE- First tattoo or piercing? My tattoo BIOHAZARD! :D
QUINZE- First crush I dont remember.
SEIZE- current crush? None.
Do you like it when toothpaste bubbles in your mouth?-no
Have you ever had a pet goldfish?- Yup. I named him "fatty no eyes." true story.
When did you last eat waffles?- When me and Mandie had waffles :D
Does being in love make you gain weight?- haahahahahahahah. idiots make surveys eh?
How old is your oldest cousin?- I think nearly 50.
Do you think Obama has tried drugs?- Should I care?
What color is your bra or boxers? - They are grey. And in the corner over there
What brand is your refrigerator?- Woods? lol
What is the best thing to happen to you this year so far?- Maybe moving out?
Would you burn the American flag for a million dollars?- Are you kidding? I would eat AMERICA for that much money!
Where did you get that shirt you're wearing?- NONE! :D
Do you play pranks on April Fools Day? No i do nothing
What is your name?- Chester P Ustwess the third haha :D
Where did you get the underwear you are currently wearing? Not wearing any.
How many pairs of Converse do you own?- Eighteen or nineteen. MANBLUSH!
There is a mummy standing behind you. What do you do?- I grab my Pakistan Knife and murder his already dead ass then throw him at small chldren.
Have you ever snuck into an R-rated movie when you weren’t old enough to see it without parents?- I didnt need to sneak. They thought i was 21 and named evan..
What did you think of Panic(!) at the Disco taking out the exclamation point in their name?-Who did what now?
Have you ever gone camping?- Indeed :D
Has anything funny ever happened to you while in Wendy’s?- I bit down on a wrapped burger unknowingly and swallowed part of the wrapper.
Are you nude while writing this survey?- lol this survey knows me well. And yesI is :D lol i bathed before hand
Comments
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On you, I totally dont doubt the lack of clothes.
Haha Chester P. Ustwess :D
At least your mentally challenged non existant neice can build things to contain tiny boats. lol
Yeah, i think idiots make surveys lol
Past Entries
Goal Updated
Hey. I'm glad you decided to keep posting your writings. It gives us a deeper insight into you. And I believe you're still important in spite of your disabilities. It makes you more special because you fight back and you persevere. I'm glad I know someone as dynamic and strong as you. Whether you think so or not.
coolkidrthomas
I feel everything that you said, word for word.
There's just no way i could have ever worded it so perfectly.
You, sir, fascinate and amaze me. You always will.
You have a strength within you that I'd give anything to possess.
I look up to you and admire you along with loving you beyond anything I can really comprehend.
ChristinaCat85
So I told you to tell me if you want me to comment on here.
And you said please so on here i will comment.
And everything I would have said has already been said.
And, you kick ass. Youre not weak at all and I'm glad that you can see that.
Love love
InsomniacM