Journal Entry for December 26, 2007
December 26, 2007 7:26am
I MISS GHOST!
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Goal End Date is Feb 29, 08 636 days ago.
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krw
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About Me
krw
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About Me
My life's been kinda rough. Rougher than most, not as rough as some. Experienced physical abuse as a small boy and watched the females around me, including my mother, be sexually abused. At 5, my little sister was placed for adoption. At 7, I lost my family altogether through adoption. My adopted parents treated me very well, and I still have a great relationship with them. In Kindergarten, my best friend died. Growing up was tough as the traumas I experienced as a child were never really addressed, mostly because my adopted parents and the social workers of the day didn't know what they know now. At 17, I found my Momma and we were good friends until she passed away November 2004 from breast cancer. Anxiety and depression in 2002 caused a psychiatrist to prescribe medications. They were either the wrong ones or the wrong dosages, as I lost control of my life, finances, jobs, etc. and I am financially struggling. I am off the medications now, and struggling to regain stability. I am a case where the medications were a bad idea; getting off them was a good decision. My childhood experiences have caused me problems in relationships, sexuality, trust, depression and anxiety -- among others I'm sure, but those are the biggest. The relationship and anxiety issues have caused me some big problems in getting and keeping jobs. My biggest struggles right now are finances, anxiety, insomnia and relationships.
My life's been kinda rough. Rougher than most, not as rough as some. Experienced physical abuse as a small boy and watched the females around me, including my mother, be sexually abused. At 5, my little sister was placed for adoption. At 7, I lost my family altogether through adoption. My adopted parents treated me very well, and I still have a great relationship with them. In Kindergarten, my best friend died. Growing up was tough as the traumas I experienced as a child were never really addressed,
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Interests
Psychology, Theology, Mythology, History, Chess, Aviation, Computers. I like to be out in nature, lakes and such, I like to snow ski and hike/rapel.
Psychology, Theology, Mythology, History, Chess, Aviation, Computers. I like to be out in nature, lakes
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Recent Activity
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Journal
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Journal Entry for December 24, 2007
December 24, 2007 11:11pm
Well, Christmas is here again, and I'll be glad when it's past. Just as soon go to sleep Thanksgiving Eve and wake up Christmas Day and …
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Journal Entry for November 24, 2007
November 24, 2007 1:10pm
Hi, guys. Had an OK turkey day. In my new home with a new roomate, and things are going pretty well. Bad news is, I still don't …
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Journal Entry for November 11, 2007
November 11, 2007 1:31pm
Hi, just stole some internet time; The calling system is down at work, so I'm breaking the rules to get in some chatter.
Things are getting …
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Journal Entry for August 27, 2007
August 27, 2007 12:22pm
My friends:
First, I wish to apologize for not being able to be here as I would rather be. Those who have chosen to remove me from …
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Hugbook
Hug
i have not herd from you in awhile, how goes the god walks, how goes the hardships, well i have always considered you to be a goot friend here, pass on by sometime, many best, keep rockn in the bright lights,
Hug
How are things going? We are still thinking of you, here!
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Hug
hey mate, hey friend, how goes life, if its busy, hopefullly thats good, hang in there man, you can do it, have a good strong, bold, positive life. be safe and be well.
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Shout Out
Know that you are busy, but I hope that you are hanging in, there...:>) We miss you, here, but understand.
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Good Luck
Hope that things are looking up for you!
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Photos
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Support Groups
Close Sexual Abuse
When I was a small boy, I was witness to the sexual abuse of my Momma by my grandfather and force-fed pornography.
Treatments
- Support from Friends & Family Working / Worked
- My family suffers beside me.
- Abuse Counseling Somewhat Helpful
- Abuse counseling had it's place. I'm unsure about this right now, as it seems that I can only go over this stuff so many times with someone, then it's time to move on.
- Acceptance Working / Worked
- It happened. I can't change it. Those who harmed me were ill. Acceptance doesn't mean that the baggage doesn't go away. But acceptance makes it feel lighter.
- DailyStrength Too Soon to Tell
- Faith Somewhat Helpful
- Love Not Working
- But I believe it will help, when I find someone...
- Meditation Somewhat Helpful
- Positive Thinking Somewhat Helpful
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- It helped. I don't agree with the "endless treatment" idea though. At least not for everyone.
- Relaxation Working / Worked
Close Financial Challenges
About 6 years ago, was doing well with work, school and finances. Then, I ran into depression so a Doctor prescribed me meds. I was medicated into a stupor. I lost my job, flunked out of school, and couldn't pay the mounting bills. I have trouble getting jobs. My roomate wastes money, having trouble getting out.
Treatments
- Budgeting Somewhat Helpful
- I find that budgeting is helpful.
- Credit Counseling Not Working
- I didn't have enough income for them to work with me. Imagine that...
- DailyStrength Working / Worked
- Very positive, thank you all!
- Debt Consolidation Not Working
- Not good enough credit for someone to take this one for me.
- Faith Somewhat Helpful
- Filing for Bankruptcy Not Working
- Don't have the money to do it, and most of my debts have gone to small-claims judgement anyway.
- Support from Friends & Family Working / Worked
- My earlier experiences with my former roomate has caused me to learn a lesson. People who are not friends can sure work real hard against you in getting your finances back in line and keeping them there. Choosing the wrong people to be around can sure sabotage efforts to get financially square.
Open Depression
Type: Seasonal Affective DisorderI just know that I get into a real funk every Feb-Apr that lasts from 2-5 months. I do my best, but some years, it hits so hard that I just have to endure it until the season is over. My adoptive family and I believe that this has to do with my adoption because it hits around the same time of year that this took place.
Treatments
- Support from Friends & Family Working / Worked
- I always have friends or my parents to talk things out with.
- Cycling Working / Worked
- Working when I have a bicycle, that is. It is something that I enjoy doing. A good bicycle ride works out nervous energy and relaxes me.
- DailyStrength Working / Worked
- Thank you.
- Eating Healthier Foods Somewhat Helpful
- When I eat right, I just feel better.
- Effexor Not Working
- I felt tired and apathetic about everything and getting through my days with Effexor was like swimming upstream.
- Emotions Anonymous (EA) Considering
- Faith Somewhat Helpful
- Keeping Busy Somewhat Helpful
- Laughter Somewhat Helpful
- A good laugh is a good pick-me-up.
- Love Not Working
- But I believe it will help, when I find someone...
- Meditation Somewhat Helpful
- Music Somewhat Helpful
- Some 80's pop music from my youth with a good beat or connected to a good memory helps lift my spirits a little.
- Paxil Not Working
- Boy, I felt good, but I could not function in a healthy manner.
- Physical Therapy Working / Worked
- As long as it's an activity I enjoy.
- Pets Working / Worked
- Ghost, my 70+# Shepherd/Malamute, is a Godsend and a great help!
- Positive Thinking Somewhat Helpful
- Depends on the time of year. When I get to my "down months" I have a hard time thinking positive, and for every positive thing I come up with, I imagine more negatives.
- Psychotherapy Somewhat Helpful
- Relaxation Working / Worked
- Remeron Not Working
- It just put me to sleep.
- Sleep Working / Worked
- I suffer from insomnia, so when sleep comes, it really makes for much more cheerful days!
- Wellbutrin Not Working
- Had a very wierd reaction to it. Was a disaster.
- Yoga Working / Worked
- Great help.
- Tai Chi Considering
- Qigong Considering
- Eating Healthier Foods Somewhat Helpful
- Eating right helps keep my body running better, and a body not running right sure helps depression along.
Open Anxiety
Mostly centered around people. I fear that others are intending me harm. It is difficult for me to tell when a "threat" is real or only imagined. I have rejected people whom I regret rejecting because in retrospect, I believe they meant me no harm, and I have befriended people who have harmed me because I have trouble sorting this out.
Treatments
- Support from Friends & Family Working / Worked
- I always have friends or my parents to talk things out with.
- Breathing Exercises Working / Worked
- Breathing, combined with imagry, does wonders for me in getting through an episode.
- Breathwork Too Soon to Tell
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Working / Worked
- I learned to ask myself, "Is this what's really going on here?" And sometimes I look at what I'm thinking objectively and realize the "threat" is in my head; not real.
- Cycling Working / Worked
- Working when I have a bicycle, that is. It is something that I enjoy doing. A good bicycle ride works out nervous energy and relaxes me.
- DailyStrength Working / Worked
- Very positive place, lots of nice people.
- Effexor Not Working
- I felt tired and apathetic about everything and getting through my days with Effexor was like swimming upstream.
- Emotions Anonymous (EA) Considering
- Faith Somewhat Helpful
- Love Not Working
- But I believe it will help, when I find someone...
- Meditation Working / Worked
- Music Somewhat Helpful
- I like classical, and it does help calm me.
- Paxil Not Working
- Boy, I felt good, but I could not function in a healthy manner.
- Physical Therapy Working / Worked
- As long as it's an activity I enjoy. If it's not something I enjoy doing, it has an adverse affect.
- Positive Thinking Somewhat Helpful
- Psychotherapy Not Working
- It just didn't work for me in this area.
- Relaxation Working / Worked
- Sleep Working / Worked
- I suffer from insomnia, so when sleep comes, I just seem to have more ability to not let things get blown up in my head!
- Talking Working / Worked
- Wellbutrin Working / Worked
- Had a very wierd reaction to it. Was a disaster.
- Tai Chi Considering
- Qigong Considering
- Eating Healthier Foods Somewhat Helpful
- Eating right helps keep my body up to the challenge.
Open Physical & Emotional Abuse
My grandfather used to beat me the family. I was eventually adopted at age 7. My adopted mother dealt with me in the same way she was dealt with as a child -- with the leather belt. She meant no harm, she is now in social work and we have a wonderful mother/son reltionship now.
Treatments
- Support from Friends & Family Somewhat Helpful
- It's nice to know that others care about what I have been through.
- Abuse Counseling Working / Worked
- Abuse counseling had it's place. I'm unsure about this right now, as it seems that I can only go over this stuff so many times with someone, then it's time to move on.
- Acceptance Working / Worked
- It happened. I can't change it. Those who harmed me were ill. Acceptance doesn't mean that the baggage doesn't go away. But acceptance makes it feel lighter.
- Faith Somewhat Helpful
- Love Not Working
- But I believe it will help, when I find someone...
- Meditation Somewhat Helpful
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- It helped. I don't agree with the "endless treatment" idea though. At least not for everyone.
- Relaxation Working / Worked
Open Stress Management
Stress? What stress? What are you talking about, "stress!"
Treatments
- Support from Friends & Family Somewhat Helpful
- I listen to their advice.
- Breathing Exercises Working / Worked
- Deep breathing with relaxation exercises helps me calm down.
- Breathwork Too Soon to Tell
- DailyStrength Working / Worked
- This is a great place to be!
- Eating Healthier Foods Somewhat Helpful
- When I eat right, I just feel better.
- Effexor Working / Worked
- I felt tired and apathetic about everything and getting through my days with Effexor was like swimming upstream.
- Faith Somewhat Helpful
- Filing for Bankruptcy Not Working
- Don't have the money to do it, and most of my debts have gone to small-claims judgement anyway.
- Keeping Busy Somewhat Helpful
- Laughter Somewhat Helpful
- Relieves some stress.
- Love Not Working
- But I believe it will help, when I find someone...
- Meditation Working / Worked
- Music Somewhat Helpful
- I like classical, and it does help calm me.
- Patience Working / Worked
- ...When I'm able to remain patient, that is. Without patience, my meter just keeps rising and rising...
- Paxil Not Working
- Boy, I felt good, but I could not function in a healthy manner.
- Physical Therapy Working / Worked
- As long as it's an activity I enjoy. If it's not something I enjoy doing, it has an adverse affect.
- Pets Working / Worked
- Ghost, my 70+# Shepherd/Malamute, is a Godsend and a great help!
- Positive Thinking Working / Worked
- Psychotherapy Somewhat Helpful
- Learned a couple tricks.
- Relaxation Working / Worked
- Sleep Working / Worked
- I suffer from insomnia, so when sleep comes, it really makes for much more cheerful days!
- Talking Working / Worked
- Yoga Working / Worked
- Great help.
- Tai Chi Considering
- Qigong Considering
- Eating Healthier Foods Somewhat Helpful
- Eating right helps keep my body up to the challenge.
Open Sex / Pornography Addiction
My sexual behavior has cause so much grief.
Treatments
- Group Therapy Working / Worked
- Sometimes helpful, sometimes not. Depends on who your "facilitator" is and the other group members.
- Support from Friends & Family Working / Worked
- I have a friend whom I can be very open with. Any time this stuff crops up, he is a good listener and he helps me defuse emotions I'd have trouble defusing by myself.
- Acceptance Working / Worked
- Accepting that I had a problem ended the turmoil of trying to deny or exorcise it. Now I take each symptom and urge as it comes, choose not to act on it, and move on.
- Breathwork Too Soon to Tell
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Working / Worked
- Thinking before I act. Considering the consequences. The school of cognitive therapy I was introduced to has been a help for me in this area.
- Faith Not Working
- Keeping Busy Somewhat Helpful
- Leave Working / Worked
- Leaving a tempting situation or area.
- Love Not Working
- But I believe it will help, when I find someone...
- Meditation Working / Worked
- Sex Therapy Considering
- Talking Working / Worked
- Willpower Not Working
- This is why I chose "leave". Willpower, by itself, doesn't seem to work; I have to outsmart the problem instead of trying to overpower it.
Open Insomnia
I go several days with little or no sleep, then my body burns out and I sleep almost constantly, then I balance out until the next boxing match. No treatments seem to really work for me, except antidepressants, but those had even worse life-damaging effects for me.
Treatments
- Sonata Working / Worked
- Best sleep aid I've found. I'm sensitive to hypnotics, but this is fast-acting, short-lasting and worked well for me.
- Relaxation Somewhat Helpful
- Doesn't always induce sleep for me, but it does provide some sort of rest.
- Breathing Exercises Somewhat Helpful
- Part of relaxation, meditation for me. Works only part of the time.
- Yoga Not Working
- Stretching my body did provide relaxation, but I found it's not good to stretch my body then sleep because led to VERY sore AM muscles.
- Eating Healthier Foods Working / Worked
- Turkey before bed! It really helps!
Open Smoking Addiction & Recovery
Smoked since about 16 years old, stupid thing to do, but with my outdoors interest and insomnia, I think it may be time to quit.
Open Video Game Addiction
A friend of mine says I need to join this community. Frankly, I think he's full of it, but what can it hurt, huh?
