reptilemom's Journal

Today I'm definitely feeling myself slip back into old habbits. I ate half of a bowl of oatmeal anf half of a pear today, and I'm feeling so good about myself over it. I love the feeling of an empty stomach and absolutely hate the feeling of a full one. I really don't want to become ill again, but the need to be thin is over powering me and it's all I can think about.

Now I'm thinking that I should never have quit the ED program in the summer, and I'm considering going back next year, once I have lost all the weight that I need to lose. They make you eat alot during the program, so I was gaining weight. So I want to make sure that I need to gain a little bit of weight before I go back into the program.

I really hate ED, yet I'm happy to have it there as a part of me as well...crazy isn't it?????