pikealilo's Journal

I dont think many people know this about my day but this is how it goes yet it varies between semesters of school.  first I yell at my ittle cousin (shes really my aunt) and lock her out of the room that we share so I can sleep a few more hours, then I get up and get something to eat around noon or 1 pm and then i log onto my computer, i check my email on all my accounts and sign into my jtv account. to see whos on, then i log onto my MSN and AIM to see who else is on, by 4pm i watch maybe one or two movies if im not going anywhere and then by 10pm im back on jtv talking or arguing with another friend or non-friend.  by 11pm one of my depressed friends gets on talking about how their life sucks and then i have to coax them out of their shittiness and self pity crap, by midnight im highly annoyed and tired of all of that crap that one of them is trying to commit suicide.... again... i stay up til 2 am trying to talk them out of i, telling them about other things and they dont listen, eventually they go to sleep and so do i only to wake up at 5 am to a text message of how shitty they still feel. i ususally blow off their text messages because its 5 am and im tired.

Through all of this crap i have to deal with with my friends and their suicidal tendencies everyday (they alternate every other day like clockwork), and all the help and love I send them, never once do I get a Fucking (excuse my language) thank you or  an I love you too.

All this bending over backwards, they are both going to make my hair turn gray before im 20 years old i swear by it. 

Everyday the samething, same argument, same words... and not one of them ask me how my day is going, or how I'm doing or what am I going through, its always got to be them, the earth revolves around them because their life sucks and "you don't know how i feel because you aren't there"

If i havent been there, then where the hell have I been? I can't help but wonder if they are going to be there for me when I get sick,  or if they will even care if I do, will they love me if I dont take my medicine and if I die would they attend the funeral.  Its bad enough they don't return my texts messages or calls, and don't include me in most of the things they do on jtv ( which is rediculous considering I show up anyway but get ignored the entire time) and then when I confront them about it they play it off as if it never happend and then they go on about their day like my feelings dont exist

It's a shame that I care so much for two people, that don't even give a damn about me anymore

maybe it's time to drop the baggage and move on into forever

screw them