goal update
October 9, 2009 3:30pm
been smoking cigarettes and a whole lot of pot. i am miserable. that is all.
SaraHatesDope
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About Me
SaraHatesDope
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About Me
I've been trying to think of something i can put here that i won't have to change constantly. since my life is a roller coaster, it's hard for even me to keep up with it. I'm young. I am living with something that may or may not be bipolar disorder (i don't know if i trust doctors who say i am) and i am also living with being a drug addict. obviously. i have a hard time dealing with life and my emotions, yes. but i am trying my best to get by and just living one day at a time.
I've been trying to think of something i can put here that i won't have to change constantly. since my life is a roller coaster, it's hard for even me to keep up with it. I'm young. I am living with something that may or may not be bipolar disorder (i don't know if i trust doctors who say i am) and i am also living with being a drug addict. obviously. i have a hard time dealing with life and my emotions, yes. but i am trying my best to get by and just living one day at a time.
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Interests
mountain dew, ketchup, breaking benjamin, driving around, shopping, ice cream, puzzles, movies
mountain dew, ketchup, breaking benjamin, driving around, shopping, ice cream, puzzles, movies
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Recent Activity
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Journal
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Nothing changes cuz it's all the same
September 15, 2009 3:16pm
FUCK. good way to start off a journal entry. i know. that is how i am feeling about everything. FUCK IT. i am in so much emotional pain and anguish. …
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just to jibber jabber
May 11, 2009 11:27pm
i thought i was having more good than bad days recently. hmmm. doesn't seem like that now. i just keep thinking and thinking and thinking. and …
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such is life
March 23, 2009 1:39pm
the sun is out. but its COLD. what a tease. so i've been doing crappy about 89% of the time. smoking way too much pot. its not cool, i know. i …
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blah
February 25, 2009 1:52pm
i have a small cold and feel like crap but i am mostly just sad today. and alone. and dwelling on it. not a good combination. i dont know what the …
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Hugbook
Hug
Hang in there, Sara. I've never used, but I'm an alcoholic. I know all too well about the days when you're laying in bed and your craving pounds inside your head relentlessly. I'm having one of those days now and I feel close to giving in.
Hug
My thoughts and prayers are always with you my friend.
Hug
Hey Sara how have you been? Just checking in to say hi,I hope that all is going well!
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Hug
Thank you for being a friend! Lets help each other through our own hell..
Hug
i just want you to know that you are not alone and i am religously looking for more answers and i will let everyone know when i find them. try to be positve
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Photos
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Goals
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Support Groups
Close Heroin Addiction & Recovery
I started using frequently around March 2006. Was introduced to it a while before but never pursued it. But I became addicted for most of 2006. Until I overdosed and almost lost my life. It's been a rough road since and i am working my ass off to stay clean. for once i can say that i am proud of myself.
Treatments
- Love Working / Worked
- I always took advantage of just how many people care for me and love me. But now i realize.
- Outpatient Treatment Program Working / Worked
- Attended for a few months at the end of 2006 by choice. Had a great counseler and finished the program with flying colors.
- Subutex Working / Worked
- helped me to detox and get the poison out of my body.
Close Depression
Type: Clinical (Major) DepressionBeen suffering from depression for many years. It seems to overtake me at times and i feel just plain out of control. i do need to learn how to live with this disease and make the best out of life. it is very difficult for me.
Treatments
- Abilify Not Working
- zombified me a few years ago
- Celexa Not Working
- didn't help
- Effexor Not Working
- OH GOD, this drug is evil. if you want to feel nothing and be unable to cry, then i suggest it. and the withdrawals are hell.
- Lexapro Not Working
- nothing but nasty side effects galore
- Love Working / Worked
- This makes me happiest!
- Paxil Working / Worked
- i have nothing bad to say about paxil. it was one drug i stayed on for years.
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- it just isn't possible to see someone who can actually help me without any money or insurance
- Seroquel Not Working
- i wouldn't recommend it
- Trazodone Working / Worked
- Helped me sleep at one point.
- Wellbutrin Working / Worked
- was on for a long time then stopped it. now i started taking it again recently.
Open Prescription Drug Abuse
i have an addict mentality so prescription drugs are like hitting a jackpot. haven't abused them in a long time though and i'm thankful for that.
Open Shyness
Shyness is something that I will probably need my whole life to get over. As i get older it gets easier to meet new people. But i am so self conscious and have no self esteem that it's hard for me to believe that people like me.
Treatments
- DailyStrength Working / Worked
- i love this website! the people on here are great.
- Self-help Working / Worked
- here's how i've helped myself....by saying to myself "shut up and just do it" :)
Open Tooth Grinding
I've been grinding for years. I do it and I don't even notice half the time. I have no insurance or money to go to the dentist and get treated either. I don't get headaches from it though but i know i'm destroying my teeth.
Open Acne
I've had acne on and off since i hit puberty. Lately it's been more on. I just can't seem to make it go away. Even doctor prescribed things stop working after a while. Not sure if i'll ever be acne free.
Treatments
- Benzaclin Somewhat Helpful
- Worked for a short while but then decided to burn the hell out of my face.
- Benzoyl Peroxide Working / Worked
- Does work well but you have to constantly use it. And i'm lazy.
- Differin Not Working
- This stuff sucks
- Proactiv Working / Worked
- It worked for a while. But of course it stopped working out of nowhere.
Open Self-Injury
I am not a constant cutter but I've done it several times. It wasn't to get attention, it was because i was just feeling so horrible, i wanted to physically feel how emotionally in pain i was. if that makes any sense.
Treatments
- Talking Working / Worked
- Always feels good to get things off your mind.
- Psychotherapy Working / Worked
- It's nice to have a therapist who listens.
Open Pre-menstrual Syndrome (PMS)
Not only do i have massive PMS and don't feel like myself 2 weeks out of every month, i do believe that i have PMDD. no doubt in my mind
Treatments
- Celebrex Working / Worked
- Yes, it's not really meant for cramp but it really does help.just don't use it often cuz my dad never has samples anymore
- Oral Contraceptives Somewhat Helpful
- Definitely helps.yet still in pain.
- Tylenol Working / Worked
- it works but seems to take a while to help. rapid release tylenol is good though
Open Seasonal Affective Disorder
Seems to just be a part of my depression. the dismal days really get to me sometimes.
Open Codependency
hm well there is never a time i'm alone. i always have someone to rely on for happiness and the pattern just keeps on keeping on. it's comfortable
Treatments
Open Children Of Divorced Parents
I have a very strange situation. My parents have been divorced for about as long as i can remember yet my father lives with my mother. which is normal for me, but that's cuz i'm used to it. they are each others best friend but were just never meant to be married, i guess
Open Anxiety
It seems as I get older, I get more anxious and I even occasionally have panic attacks. Sometimes things are just too much for me to handle.
Treatments
- Breathwork Somewhat Helpful
- There are times i just have to keep telling myself to breath. not as easy as it seems.
- Klonopin Somewhat Helpful
- Just makes me pass out. perhaps that's the point of it. no more anxiety if you are asleep.
Open Female Sexual Issues
I've lost most of my desire to have sex recently. Mostly from being overtaken by depression. It's very difficult on my boyfriend and i feel horrible.
Open Marijuana Addiction & Recovery
plain and simple...i'm a pothead.
Open Internet Addiction
i never miss a day of going on the internet. it is the only thing that helps me escape
