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chrurop 
sept. 15, 2009
well i sit hear extremely broken hearted. my aunt has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, there is no cure, anything they do is palliative. who knows it could be 3-6 months, or up to 2 years. my mother and father are already gone. i feel so all alone, yet i'm not. i have 4 great adult children. but yet, i still feel all alone.
i want so badly to reach out to my ex and tell him how much i love him and miss him. tell him how much i wish him sobriety and happiness. but whats the point. i want to let him know someone in mass. loves him very much. will it help with anything? probably not. i guess when life and death comes up, it makes your heart want to reach out and grab on, but there is nothing to grab onto, there is no more relationship. will i love him forever? will i be alone forever? thats what im thinking. don't have any other reason to believe it's not true.
17 lbs down, 12 1/2 inches off. one day at a time. cry now and then i'll probably feel better. it's not been an easy day today. i can't even cry, i'm just so very tired.
Comments
Im sorry to hear about your aunt. Patrick Swayze lasted 2 years. My stbx's cousin's husband just died this past weekend from pancreatic cancer. He was in his fifties. He went fast. Yes hearing about death does make you feel alone. My mother was just in the hospital and I was with her and I wondered if someone would be with me if I was there. I know I have kids also but it is different than having a spouse or companion.
Congratulations on your weight loss. I have joined weight watchers. Starts this Thursday. Maybe this is something I can take control of.
wisly03