Journal

Well I haven't been on this site in awhile. Mostly because I am just soo busy.  The kids are getting big, and work has been demanding.  I have been very stressed and frustrated with all aspects of my life at this time.  I look at my life though and guess it isn't all bad, considering some people are homeless, some are starving, some are beaten. Sometimes I have to remind myself that life could be worse.  I guess I am just unhappy with letting my mother be right.

But I have been working hard at losing some weight, and doing ok with that. So that is a good thing!

Well looking at brighter days...

So, I had my surgery yesterday.  I was scheduled to have it on June 4th (Wed) and when I got there I was told the doctor called in sick.  So this hospital is an hour and a half away, and I had to be there at 5:30 am....I wasn't a happy camper.  So now that is throwing all my scheduling for appointments off, because I am going to this years EcoQuest Convention.  I had so much fun last year, I don't want to miss another one, and had my bags packed, tickets purchased and just waiting for the date to head out.

So my surgery went fine.  I don't remember it, and that is how I like it.  I am sore as hell today though.  And my wonderful husband who hasn't moved out yet (Supposively to help me recover from my surgery) decided to go to my son's baseball practice and leave the baby with me and hasn't arranged babysitters or anything for this week.  So right now I am just so upset.  And he is making excuse after excuse about cleaning up the house.  He does finally have a job, so that is good, but on the days he works he is too tired to help me out, and the days he is off are supposively the days he would like to just rest....I don't get it.  Are all men this ignorant?  I am soooooo mad, upset and sore.....and if I cry, he just cuts me down telling me why do I have to be such a baby......
I hate him so much......but then I do love him too....Is that possible???
Well I can't sit here much longer, the back is killing me and the baby is into all sorts of stuff he shouldn't be in.

Well, well, well.

I finally told my husband that I wanted to be friends.  He took it remarkably well.  I know he loves me and wants us to work things out. And although we are going to stay friends, I just want to start a new chapter in my life.  So he went online and have been talking to a few girls and I think that has eased his thoughts.  I don't know if he was doing it to make me jealous, but I can't believe that I am not, not at all either.  I encourage him to go find a new girl.  Weird huh?

And then on top of all that drama, I have been battling back pain since 2004.  I had slipped on ice and had it looked at, and it wasn't serious.  But over the years, and as my profession as a nurse, it has gotten really painful.  I was taking a natural supplement my company sells and it really helps take the edge off.  But when I ran out, I couldn't take it so went to the Dr, and they did an MRI.  Good thing I ran out,,,, Come find out most of my spinal cord is being pinched off by a disc that ruptured and is compressing my spinal cord.  on top of that I have disc degeneration between my L4 and L5 and they need to do a fusion.  Well I am not up for the fusion, and the only option I have is to have a smaller surgery to relieve the spinal cord from making me paralyzed.  I can deal with the pain for a little while longer, and wait for the fusion.  But it really is a lot to take in.  I meet with the surgeon Thurs.  The Dr's are really serious about this, and have been bumping other patients to get me in ASAP.  That kinda scares me.  But I know God will be there for me along the way and guide the surgeon so I will be ok.

Well I am gonna go and try to update some pics here.  The ones here are so old.