MsH's Journal

OK, this is probably a long rant but I need to get it off my chest.

My DD is 10.5 months old. She has been exclusively breast fed up until this point (no formula). She LOVES her solid foods, and so my supply has hit the skids, so to speak. I asked her Pediatrician about supplementing (when, how much, what kind of formula) etc. He told me that there was no need to do formula, at this point I can add a few oz of vitamin D milk to her bottles. I know, most Ped's say 12 months, but my Ped says there is NO "magic fairy" that comes on their 1 yr b-day and waves the wand to make things like that OK. He had us introduce it slowly, and now she gets 2-3 oz of Vit D in 4-6 oz of expressed breast milk. She does great with it- no digestive issues at all. He did say that it is on a baby-to-baby basis that he suggests that- and since she was a healthy, term baby, in the 70th percentile and a good eater, that milk was OK. I totally follow his thinking- that if she was going to have milk issues that she will have them at 10 months, or 12 months, or even 16 months. But she ISN'T so no worries.

The problem is, her daycare threw a FIT about it. First my DH got a lecture on it when he dropped her off. We had been doing the milk in the bottle at home for over a week to make sure she'd be ok (and she was), then we told them to please add 2 oz vitamin D to her noon bottles. They Freaked Out on him- and told him that we had to have a doctor's permission. I had to call my ped and have him write a note and fax it to the daycare before they would do it. You can tell by talking to the workers there that they are TOTALLY judging us. She thinks I'm some kind of "hippie" that doesn't want to give my kid formula- but honestly if my doc says she doesn't need it, why waste the expense and the hassle? Anyway, apparently the state nutritionist came in today and reviewed the daycare's "dietary program". She heard that my DD was 10.5 months and drinking cows milk. She also saw that my DD get's three 8 oz bottles a day (besides her solid foods and her snacks/water). When I came to pick DD up, I got pulled into the daycare directors office, and told that "cow's milk has enzymes that will ruin my daughter's digestive system" and also that we need to stop her at 6 ounces and not let her eat 8. That we should distract her with crackers or something, because letting her eat 8 ounces at a time will "cause her to over-eat later in life". And that 3 bottles of 8 ounces a day is bad; I should offer 4-6 bottles of 4-6 ounces instead.... They said she was "Starving" at 11 a.m. and she "threw herself on the ground and had a tantrum right there" Well no shit, sherlock- that's her nap time. Not that you didn't know that, because I WROTE IT DOWN FOR YOU when she went from part time afternoon's only to full time all day this week. 

I was livid.

Fire breathing, ass-kicking, pissed off. 

I understand that my doctor did not recommend what is considered "main stream" advice. I get that. But by having faxed the note and jumped through the hoops for them, I hoped they'd drop it. 

Pulling me into the "Directors" office for a lecture on how I'm ruining my daughter, causing her to over-eat and set her up for obesity, well...  WELL.

I didn't know how to respond. I just said "I will discuss this with my husband" and left.

What. The. F*ck. 

Do NOT imply that I'm a bad mom.

I called my Ped's office and asked "am I the only one poisoning my child with cow's milk before the magic year is up?" He called me back post-haste, and we had a lengthy discussion. He backed me up 110%.  I then sat down and wrote the daycare a letter. I want to retain a respectful relationship with them, since they WILL be caring for my daughter (for now- after this stunt, I am actively looking for another provider). This is as respectful as I get:

Dear [daycare ladies],

After my discussion with [Director] yesterday, I did go home and call Dr. H's office to discuss Madigan’s feedings with him. I wanted to make sure that I was clear on what his professional advice was.  He affirmed what he had previously told me about the vitamin D milk. He felt that taken on a case-by-case basis, Madigan was a perfect candidate to have it introduced and has obviously been faring well since she’s had no rashes or digestive changes over the last 2 weeks she’s been receiving it. Since she is getting the majority of her nutrition from the breast milk, and only supplementing with the vitamin D milk, he did not feel the need to change anything and encouraged me to continue supplementing with vitamin D rather than introducing a formula at this time. As far as the comments from the state nutritionist that cow’s milk has enzymes in it that will wreck her digestive system, he remarked that they learned “nothing about that in the medical school he attended.”  He said he would be more than happy to discuss her theory on that if she would like to call him.

Dr. H and I also discussed at length her eating patterns as well. I explained to him that her typical day consisted of a bottle, breakfast, lunch, bottle, snack & water, and then dinner and a bedtime bottle or nursing. I was clear with him that she receives 3 feedings of milk a day, 8 ounces (on average) each, approximately 6 hours apart. He felt that this was adequate, and encouraged me to continue the three main feedings, instead of decreasing her ounces of milk and increasing the number of bottles a day she gets. He felt there was no benefit for Madigan to give her less milk now than she has previously gotten at a feeding and trying to distract her with crackers, implying that the goal is to get our children to eat three main meals a day and two snacks. DH and I feel that if she is cranky at 11 am it is most likely because that is her typical naptime when she is at home. We probably could have been clearer regarding her typical schedule for us when she was home in the mornings. If it helps, her days are something along the following lines: up at 8 am. and eats an 8 oz bottle, followed by jar-food breakfast at about 9 a.m. She usually takes a nap around 10:30 to noon and then eats jar food for lunch with puffs. She usually takes another 6-8 oz bottle between 1:30 and 2:30.  At daycare I know she wasn’t great about taking her afternoon nap but at home she usually naps from 3 to 4 pm. We feed her dinner at 6 then she gets a bottle or nurses to sleep at 8.

Dr. H was convinced that she is getting adequate nutrition since she is in the 70th percentile for her weight and sleeps on average 12 hours at night. As far as the nutritionist implying that three feedings will encourage her to over-eat later in life, he believes that over-eating is not something that infants often pick up from their bottle but more from learned behaviors at the dinner table as they grow.

I apologize that this letter is so lengthy, but I feel compelled to defend my parenting choices. I appreciate you letting me know of the concerns that the nutritionist raised. However, I will continue to follow the advice of our pediatrician at this time, and wish that you would try to as well. Dr. H said he would be more than happy to explain his thoughts on these issues as well if anyone would like to contact him. I truly appreciate all you do for Madigan and I know that we all have her best interest at heart. Thank you!

So.... any thoughts? Am I over-reacting by being so offended that they pulled me in and lectured me over this, instead of asking me kindly to tell them where I got my info? I am seriously looking elsewhere for child care...  the more I think about how they told me that we are over-feeding her in ounces, but under-feeding her in nutrition...I just get red in the face typing about it. 

Any advice, ladies? I know you'll give it to me straight...