marymargaret's Journal

This journey has led me down many roads.At 57 years of age I am still finding myself.Or rather I am looking for me and finding nothing substantial.

reaching out to loved ones is wreaking havoc in my mind. My spirit is grasping for a welcome-home.My body responds with tears and sadness.To keep pain at bay, i must redirect my mind to a safe place..

I announced the joyful news of my daughter's pregnancy by way of emails..This morning I received a reply from my eldest granddaughter.She wants no contact with me.She took away the nick-name she gave me.."you stopped being birdie a long time ago" she said...My feelings are hurt deeply.The tears will not stop. I am alone today.And I am sitting here trying not to fall into the routine of feeling sorry for me.

I do not know the way back into the fold of family.I ask why?? Why, what have I done besides get sick? I want to be healthy and I want to be loved.

Very few have stayed by my side..all have remained in my head and heart.

Please someone tell me you love me just as I am..right now at this moment when I feel so alone. 

Perhaps i shall send me a postcard simply stating the fact "Wish you were here".somewhere, someone must wish I were there, mustn't they?