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nanaof7 
8:40pm, October 13, 2009
Life is beginning to get right down to it for me. Next week is going to test not only my faith but also my emotions and my heart. My sister's and I finally got Mom's memorial service planned and it will be the 24th of June. We have made picture boards and a poem that is touching to say the least. I will post it after the service on my journal. I'm still not emotional as far as my Mom passing away. I miss her terribly and can still feel her presence in my home. It is so odd to not have her here. I want to pick up the phone and call her, I want to complain and bitch and listen to her tell me how she feels. I miss her laugh , which was quite infectious. She was a stern and strong woman but she was mushy inside. I loved that about her. I've thought how she will never tell me again how good my lasagna was, or my meatloaf. We both liked butter beans and now I have no one to share them with. I'll miss her pumpkin ice cream pie at the holidays.And her potato soup. I have tried to duplicate it but it's never close to hers.I miss her scent. She loved lavender and lilac. I will have lavender in my flowers for the wedding in her memory. Balloons will be released in my Mom and daughter's honor.
My daughter's wedding is fast approaching also. Her " soon to be" will be home on Tuesday the 23rd and the wedding is on the 27th. Maybe I will be so busy next week I won't have time to mourn. Instead I'll crash and burn at night and finally get some much needed rest.
Alas it will all be over soon enough.... then when the quiet settles in I can once again contemplate this thing people call LIFE.
I miss you Mom, but know you will always be with me in my heart, and my mind because your spirit lives with me now. I am comforted.........
Comments
I've been so busy I hadn't got around to reading your journal post. I sat here reading and cried. I remember going through the stages of my husbands cancer. I think I was in denial or unable to process what was happening. I'm a med tech so I understood in my head but not in my heart. When he hit stage 4 and they stopped chemotherapy and told me to let him go I fought so hard with them. I miss my husband so much. I miss his smell and how when I came home he would yell out Baby Boo. I miss his laugh. I loved his laugh so much. I miss his hands and his hugs. His ashes are here with me and I have his picture above them. I feel him here but I know he's with God. I still sit sometimes and wonder why this had to happen. I know you know what I mean. All I know to do is trust that God will help me live through this. Thank you for allowing me to have access to your journal. Anytime I'm reminded of Murray is a special time. You helped yourself by writing and gave me the gift of memories. Joy
mourningagain
I am sorry to hear that you have lost your mother! I hope you are starting to heal! I have been going through my own things! I am going to start VBI here soon! I miss ya friend! Love ya, Denise!
Blackbeltbipolar