Join Now
nanaof7 
8:40pm, October 13, 2009
I think everything is starting to come full circle for me. Since losing Mom on the 31st of May I haven't seem to have had any tears or emotions. I know this is just part of the grieving process.Or so the counselor says. But today it finally hit me. I went to get my hair cut for my daughter's wedding. I wanted something fun,classy and a little bit sexy. ( the ex will be there at the wedding with his s*** of a wife....) My Mom always used to tell me how pretty my hair was. It is still the medium brown but it is also threaded through with lots of silver. I always have people ask me if it's mine or if I pay for it. The last time I took my Mom to get her hair cut she made Debbie promise to not let me change my hair color. My older sister has made an appointment for me tomorrow to highlight my hair. I was so excited today when I came home... my hair cut is really classy and chic.... I went to the phone and dialed Mom's phone number to tell her how great it looked..... 3 rings later I realized I wasn't going to be able to share that with her anymore. It is so very very hard. My Momma was the first one I called in the morning and the last one I called before bedtime. I don't know why it hit me today. Maybe it's preparing for the wedding or the fact that I finally went and did something different today. All I know is how empty my life feels now and how much I miss her being here to share it with.
We have planned her memorial service for the 24th of June. The wedding of my daughter will be 3 days later. My daughter has allowed me, my sisters Eilene,Karen and LaRae along with my brother Lewis to release lavender colored balloons before the start of the ceremony to honor Mom in spirit. I will also release a lavender balloon for my baby girl Jordan and one for my granddaughter Kylie who both passed away from crib death. Their spirits live on but it just makes life so empty.
Comments
nana i cant say anything to make you feel better...just know grief is a process and the pain will lessen as time goes on.......memries are what you have to hold on to............they will always be a part of you.......love ya.......
Hokte
It is never easy to lose the ones we love and how we reflect this will change over time but I still have times when I think my daughter Cheryl would get a kick out of something I've seen, read or done and she's been gone twelve years now. the grief will change, if you have love and life in your life but there will come times in the years ahead when you'll still feel that lose as strongly as you do right now.
You are in the midst of the cycle of life with the death and wedding symbolizing both ends of the spectrum. BTW, I still talk to Cheryl, and sometimes I still yell at her. My family knows I"m nuts so they are used to me talking to dead people but the thing is talking to her like she is still right here with me does make it feel more like she is.
GeorgiaW