Journal

    First of all, I am never changing that general shadow picture for women, because that is exactly how I used to look.  This morning was great.  I laid around and read, got up and painted... things I love to do.  Later, about 3, I headed out.  I thought I would be ok; I mean, it was ONLY 81 degrees!  I almost got lost walking to my car.  It's like I lost my brain immediately.  I drove to the grocery store because I heard that Red Bull or Yoohoo might help my fatigue.  I was sweating profusely in the store, which I imagine wasn't normal.  I stared at the bottles for so long.  It anyone was watching, they must have thought I was retarded.  I could not comprehend anything.  I considered asking for help to leave the store, but the one lady I would have trusted was nowhere to be found.  I figured it out anyway and walked feebly to my handicapped parking spot.  Thank goodness I have that!  I kept pressing the button to unlock the doors, but they didn't seem to be unlocking, so I figured it wasn't my car.  I was impressed, however, that another person liked Dunkin Donuts as much as I do, and, I guessed, likes Cape Cod as well.  Whatever.  Somehow I figured out that it was my car and how to get in.  It was like there was a wall between me and the real world.  I always say that.  I figured out how to get home, though I remember none of that now.  I think I had no accidents.  Maybe I will hear about one on the news.  I was so destroyed by the heat.  I got into the house, where we keep the AC real high.  Immediately, I was way better.  Within 5 minutes, I was back to where I was (physically and mentally) earlier in the day (not to say that was so great, but...).  I canceled everything else for today, but I am scared shitless.  I mean, I cannot live like this.  Yes, I have an ice vest, but it is not a miracle worker.  It does not have the power to protect me from all the evils of heat!  Now, what about tomorrow?  I have a funeral to go to.  Isn't that more important than my damn MS?  What if I cannot make it?  Do I actually think my departed friend wouldn't understand?  She would, but would I?