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Vteacher 
1:14am, November 18, 2009
My wonderful friends,
More problems had mounted upon my previous list. Financial, family friction, problems at work. It seems the more I pray , and the more people pray for me thev worse things get.
At work yesterday, two of my administrators, held a meeting with me about my behavior at work. One, who has known me the longest, said I haven't been performing like the usual Vicki she's known. She was referring to paper work and the scheduling of meetings. All of this is embarrassing. It's embarrassing to talk about. It was obvious they want me to go out on disability. This is all a manifestation of my bipolar disorder.
I have 5 days of school left. I can hardly face going in there these five days, but I have no sick days left. But, I'm going to do it. I'm going to meet with the insurance union rep about going on long term disability in the fall.
I have decided I will move in with my mother. I really don't want to do this, but because of her situation and my need of a place to live, this will be a wise thing to do. The upside - since I will receive only 66.3% of my salary, this will give me a chance to save some money. I can also become even closer to my mom in her last years.
I do worry about my kitties acclimating to the new environment.
These are some decisions I have made so far.
I thank all of you for your support. You have been so great. I can't tell you how much I appreciate you.
I am thankful for YOU!
I am thankful for disability insurance.
I am thankful for a place to go.
Love to all,
Vicki
Comments
Oh Vicki I am so sorry to hear what they are doing to you at work. You know you said that the more you pray the worst it gets. Vicki I know God is talking to you, please sit and listen to him. There is a reason for all of this. I am sure this very hard on you and will keep praying as I know God would never abandon you. I know that you have alot of faith by your previous post.
I feel that you made the right decisions and your kitties will do just fine., Number one please take care of Vicki and all the rest will fall into place.
Keep me posted on how you are doing my friend,.
Charlene
ctravel
I can only tell you from my experience, that the last two years of my dad's life were the closest we had ever been and that's because he lived with me. This may be God's way of allowing you to settle some things with your mom before she dies. As for the disability, this too may be for your good and not something to be ashamed of. Maybe this will be the time you need to get other things right in your life. Things aren't always the way they seem and maybe God is taking you out of a bad situation and placing you where you can serve the most good for now. Try thinking of the positives!!! We are always here to listen. Hugs
junebug
i am happy to see that you are working things out. sorry you are going through this at work but if disabilality is what you need to do than do it. you need to take care of yourself. i am sure your kittes will be fine .as long as your with them.. keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.. hugs .love you ..marie
penny59
I understand almost everything you are going through. Hang in there---you can and will do it!!!! Read Jer.29:11, God does have big plans for your life. He isn't finished with you yet. Spending time with your mom is more important. I'm glad you are using your disability insurance. That's why we pay for it---use it, SISTER, use it!!! Use this special time to take care of yourself! Smell the roses while growing closer to your mom! Who wants to do all that dumb paperwork anyway---not me!?! They give us too much to accomplish---no time left to teach. oops--that wasn't being positive. xoxoxo LOL
(((HUGS)))
Honey46
I'm so sorry honey. You are remaining tough despite having to go through so much and I really admire you for it. I don't completely understand the boss thing, but it sounds like what they are doing is cruel and that they have alterior motives. Had you disclosed the bp prior to this?
Thinking about you and knowing you'll pull through this just like you have for so many other things.
Love ya. xxxx
callee
I was wondering.... after you have some time to work on getting your life better settled what do you think about substitute teaching... Here in Baton Rouge if you're on the rolls to substitute teach you call a number they have provided and listen to a listing of schools, grades and classes needing a sub for the next day... If you're interested you press a key and then you enter your PIN and you are marked to sub for that class the next day.... I am hoping maybe when I get a little more peace in my life and not having such a struggle with the depression stuff that I might be able to do this... When you sub the regular teacher is supposed to have left a lesson plan... Of course that sometimes isn't taken care of but with your experience perhaps you have some fill in lesson plans for a variety of subjects... Anyway its just an idea... I really miss working... After Cara died I got sick... lost my job... got sicker... and I'm just finally in the last few months trying to pick myself back up.... I got so down on myself.... living... everything... but I have a strong spirit I guess because once again I'm working to pick up the pieces... and I think that's what we have to do... Sometimes though we have to let ourselves heal... and it sounds like you need to do that... I hope you and your mom do well together.... It may be all either one of you will have of each other on this earth... I wish I could spend some more time with my mama... but I only see her in my mind... as she died 2 years ago... I am lucky though... I loved my mama... we often said we were both mother and daughter and best friends.... A lot of people talk about how their mama didn't do this... or that... wasn't there for them.... etc.... and no neither mama or I are perfect... but the love meant more than the other stuff.... Sorry for being so wordy... I'll be praying for you. Hugs Elissa
carasmom
my dear sweet friend, i know you are going through a rough time ,and that is when satin tempts you . please don,t give up on praying. i know our father in heven loves you.and he will be by your side.just have faith
gramasbabies
I am praying for you and know that God does hear prayers, and He will guide you in the way you need to go.
hugs, and prayers,
Sandi
repangel911