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heybev13 
9:11pm, October 7, 2009
Please don't judge me only for who I am now.
A person who is sick and doesn't do much.
Please know that I did have a life once.
That I did love living life and had many goals and dreams.
Just like you.
Please know that I used to be very active.
I used to love to go in-line skating.
That I used to LOVE to dance
and did it as often as I could!
I even took lessons...line dancing, swing dancing.
I did aerobics for at least an hour each day,
sometimes with the mini-trampolene
or with a video, and sit-ups!
I remember doing 200 sit ups a day!
Wow.
Know that I LOVED riding my bicycle....
with my helmet on and all of my riding gear.
Rode it all the way to another town,
in another state even,
sometimes up to 20 miles per hour!
The wind blowing gently on my face
and the fragrances of the trees and the flowers
dancing their way past my nose.
Know that I love children
and loved raising my own.
We used to go for bicycle rides EVERY evening in summer!
8:00 pm sharp!
First In the child seat on the back of my bike,
then on his own bike when he was older.
Please know that I gave Martha Stewart a run for her money!
My friends even used to call me "Martha"
because I loved to entertain
and made everything from scratch!
Even when this single mom didn't have money to buy a gift
my son would say: "It's O.K. mom, as long as you make me my cake."
I loved that so much.
Please know that my house used to be SPOTLESS!
Not the cluttered way it is now.
I loved order and cleanliness.
Still do, for myself.
For some reason it doesn't bother me if someone else isn't that way.
Please know that I still have the desire to do all of these things!
That just because my body won't cooperate
doesn't mean my desires have changed on the inside,
or that my personality has changed.
I still love all of those things.
Please know that I still desire to do things with my friends.
That I still want to entertain,
have my friends over for dinner.
Maybe a cocktail party
or just to watch a movie
and share popcorn.
Please know that I always have good intentions.
That I have always been a responsible person.
That I have always been dependable.
Please also know that now, even though I want to,
I don't always know that you can count on me to show up.
Not because I don't want to,
but because my body now rules what I can and can't do,
and it is unpredictable.
Please also know that I try.
I TRY REALLY HARD!
Every day! Every hour,
sometimes every minute!
I have to talk my way through things.
"I can get out of this bed. I can!"
"I can walk to the next room. I can!"
Please know that I try to stay positive.
I do. Even though it doesn't seem that way.
Please know that I do the "positive thinking".
I give myself the encouraging talks,
the positive words,
the "I can do this" attitude!
Please also know that I have tried everything,
every suggestion a doctor or well-meaning person
has given me to try to get better.
Conventional medicine and natural,
because I truly want to get better. I do.
Please also know that sometimes my body fights back.
It tells me it has limits, and I can't push it to do more.
Even though sometimes I try. I push myself.
Sometimes I just need to know if I can do it!
I need to test it to see if anything has changed,
and my wonderful memories of my days before I got sick
inspire me to want to try.
So please do not judge me only for my illness,
and the limitations I have now.
I once was like you,
and I still have the memories of what I could do,
and I still have the desires to do them.
I am human, just like you
and I want people to know all of me,
not just my illness.
~Beverly P.
Comments
Amen sister, amen. I ditto every word of this.
This was incredible, so well written. Couldn't have said it better. You speak for so many of us...
*hugs*
shell
wannabewell
Wow. You've moved me to tears. This is brilliant. Thank you.
~*~
Prairie
*snif*
KweebsLS
Oh - and Weeble Hugs and Mojo.
KweebsLS
awwww. great idea. I got to know you more. I know how much it sucks to not do all that you used to do. But, I see you very much as a valuable person, clean house or not, dancing or not. I think you are beautiful and want you to too! Lots of love. IF I lived closer I would come over and garden for you or with you and then we could have cupcakes...I love cupcakes with vanilla icing. I think that is what I want if I ever get married...cupcakes!!
Holstar
bravo!!
cupcakes, did someone mention cupcakes?
:)
revbry
That was beautiful!! I think about some part of that every day, but there are still some that treat me like its contagious or something. Some that I thought were very good friends and had been for 10 to 15 years. Never thought that would happen.
alwaysfoggy
Those words could have been mine! We have SO much in common! I miss working out the most. I have zero energy these days. Know that you have friends that understand. I hear your frustration. I FEEL your frustration. All we can do is support each other and keep trying things to help ourselves. It's when we lay down and give up, start feeling sorry for ourselves, that we have to worry. Chin up. And keep on doing what you're doing. You are a good person.
Liane999
Thank you everyone. I know you all know how it feels. You are all very special to me and I appreciate your support so much!
heybev13
Okay, I am bawling~ Can I copy this, Bev?
I think my whole family on hub's side, would TRUELY see how we feel.
This hit the nail on the head! OMG.
My eyes tear up reading this.
I feel the same way, you just wrote everything, I ever wanted to say, but didn't know how.
Thank you soooooooo much.
But, I hope/wish and pray that a whole lot of happiness comes over you and helps you to endure until a cure can be found. Keep up believing, we are all on this journey and exactly where God wants us to be at this very moment.
Love you more!!
doneitall
You expressed our struggle very well! It does help to know that at least my fibro buddies really get it. I'm gonna have to copy this too. I'll save it and maybe personalize it to use when someone judges me again.
Hugs
Robynann
Fantastic. You hit the inner soul with this one. Everything said was totally true. Thanks!!!
DarrellB
Oh Bev, this is so good. I would like to copy it if I may, to add to the letters I have to show other people. It's good to to let the people in our lives read these things. I believe it helps them to understand maybe a little bit better that this illness is real, that there are many, many people suffering out there, that we are not just being lazy, and we all have the same problems just getting thru our daily lives doing ordinary things. You really nailed it with this letter.
You are a very special person and I'm glad I can call you my friend. Love u, Kel
Kellybean
Awesome Words!!!
Hi I'm new at this i was told i have fibo with ruthmatory. It's been a yr now and it just totally SUCKS! What you have written is sooo true i had tears in my eyes as i read it. Thank You for this, i hope i get to meet more friends here and maybe together we can help fight this CRAZY battle or atleast let people and doc's realize it is REAL.
Thank You Again,
Debapple
debapple
thankyou for sharing this poem with us, i felt the empathy & pain in my heart as i read it. totally know where your coming from. your poem cries out to so many.it is hard to accept or deal with when we look back & see how we used to be, then one day, all too soon, our own body betrays us & then imprisons us. & worse when you know you have been a good person.
soul2soul
Your poem was so moving and educational I think for people who don't have a chronic illness. May I show it to people? I have M.E./C.F.S. and can relate so much, sometimes I think we have to let ourselves grieve, our losses are so great, God bless you
Talitha