jhorn's Journal

Wow, what an odd few days its been.  I have emailed back and forth with HER..talking about weight and stuff..she is going to the gym and losing weight.  The conversation started at a practice between a bunch of moms. then led to her and i emailing the next day.  Trying to put this all behind us and move on since we aren't going to be able to get rid of one another.  She assures me that they really were just friends and talked alot, and how sorry she is.  Anyway, I don't know what happened to me during this  whole email thing, but something clicked.  I can do this.  i can lose weight and get healthy and chose what I let dictate and affect the things in my life.  SHE motivated me>  I know that is messed up, but ya know what, I'll totally take it. 

So, my friemd calls me Sunday and wants me to come do a step class with her and I say no.  I had actually worked out already on the elliptical and the recumerant bike here at hone. Well her and another friend threaten to come kidnap me, they called me tons and my son and my husband. I finally gave in.  I have been at the gym in a different class everynight since,.  Sunday we did step, Mon-group power, tues-turbo kick, and tonite step again and are doing power again tomorrow.  I am so flippin sore that i can't hardly sit down to pee by myself.,  but in the same aspect am so proud of myself too.  J is so proud of me(my 13 yo) I can see it in his face.  H hasn't really said much other than to just keep going and the soreness will subside.  The key is to keep it up....i think he is proud of me.  he said its good that I keep going,. i wonder if that is code for proud.  I'm worn out.  It isn't giving me much energy, actually it seems to be draining me. H says that is normal to give it a week or two that my body is probably in shock right now and that to will subside. 

I got on the scale tonite at the gym tho and it said I had gained weight..what the hell..I had just lost b/c of this new high protein, low fat, low carb thingy I've been doing,.  now I'm working my ass off...to what?  gain weight?  How does that even make sense. How is it fair.  These classes I am taking burn anywhere from 550 calories to 950 calories per hour and each class is an hour....so even if it is low intensity at the least I should have burned enough to lose one pound.. Not gain 3 or 4.   I am so frustrated right now.  i emailed HER.  then we texted back and forth and she talked me off the ledge and said not to give up it happens and gave me a few atta girls and assured me that she too has been thru this.  That it happens, but it will balance out and that I shouldn't give up.  It made me feel better....and I will go tomorrow and do  our class and just try to hang in there a little longer.  I imagine if I wasn't so sore it wouldn't be so easy to think about quitting but we will see..

I have so much more to write, but it is late and I need to go to bed.