Journal Entry for March 28, 2009
so its been awhile since ive been on here.. as you can tell from the date. I dont know why im here again, but my mind came across this site and I …
so its been awhile since ive been on here.. as you can tell from the date. I dont know why im here again, but my mind came across this site and I …
sounds like you need as much support as you can get. that sounds sooooooooo like my every day life so im giving you a hug for us to share. good luck!
I'm here for you. I'm not doing good either... I'm sorry you are going through this!! If you want to talk, message me!!
I'm sending you a hug as well
Sorry you are feeling pretty low but at least you are sensing you need to do something to help yourself. Reaching out to others is a great idea. Also do some activities when your mind starts ruminating on negative thoughs and the past stuff that gets to you. This refocuses your mind when you are going into crisis. Do you have a therapist? If so, tell the therapist about this change in mood. Also get in to see the dr, so you can be checked out for any underlying medical problem to explain the increasing depression. You know now depression can be helped because you have been here before, this time you probably have some skills you learned from the last time, think back and remember what helped you before and try them again. There is no permanent cure for depression, for most it waxes and wanes. Take care. I send you a friend add. Maybe tomorrow we can chat and shoot the breeze, whatever. I need to rest now, I am having pain right now and need to rest myself. Hugs!
Im honestly not sure if I am dealing w/depression or not..b/c ive been silent about the way I feel for a while now. all I know is that I want to feel alive again.I want to be happy SO bad. I honestly dont remember the last time I was truely happy, or even OKAY. I just want something that can help me.
Ive been single for six months.. and I cant seem to find anyone better than my last boyfriend. now, after six months of not talking, I see him a lot because we now hang out with the same friends.. I cant seem to get over him!!! I dream about him all the time.. yet he doesnt want ANYTHING to do with me. He found this other girl that is "amazing". I need help to get over him.. its getting ridiculous.
My brother is gay. and ive known ever since I knew what gay was.. and I had to hide it from my parents.. cause he didnt want them to know. so whenever my mom used to ask something about it, I always had to lie. I love my brother, and I had to do that for him.. but its a struggle every day now. cause he just told her last year. and he is 21.. she, and I, dont know how to think..
I feel like I have had sex before because all I wanted was to feel loved.. and I felt it when I would have sex. now, Im nineteen and I feel as though my number of how many I slept with is high.. im no slut, but I feel as though there has to be something wrong with me to feel like I love sex only cause I feel it will get them to love me.
I put myself in a stupid postion. I knew that I was wrong in being there.. but I was. and he took advantage of me that night. you would think that I would learn after that, but I didnt. and I got raped by yet another guy another night.. about two years later. and ever since then I feel as though guys feel like they have to have control over me.. even when I push them away. im a strong girl, and I thought guys saw that. but I guess it doesnt stop them to be physically forceful..
ive been shy all of my life. sometimes when im around the right people(and when I mean right people im talking about very few)im very outgoing and I love myself then. but then again.. most times im extremely shy. its probably cause I sometimes studder when I talk to those people that arent the "right people". people have called me ugly, too skinny.. or made fun of my feet, hands, legs, nose.. God, I could go on about every part of my body. I think thats why im so shy around most people..help!