Today has been a good day so far, …
Today has been a good day so far, I feel that talking to others about similar experiences is a great outlet and can be …
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JenO4 
12:15pm, November 15, 2009
It's been a long time since I wrote or have even been on here. I really have been taking advantage of being on a "break" these past 6 months. But now my 6 months are up. I have started the process of weening my body off the anti-depressants. In two weeks I am hoping to be drug free! I made an appointment to see a new RE. Our consultation is on April 28th and this will really start the process again for me. I am hoping I will have a new strength and be more positive and make a baby! I worry a lot about all the feelings coming back to me. All the sadness associated with trying and such, but I want this work. I want a baby, PERIOD. I will need all of your support more now then ever before because I won't be able to make it through this without you all. I am anxious to see what this new docs sees when he looks at all my tests results and bloodwork and all that stuff. I am really hoping he will see hope. Some way that I can get pregnant again and carry full term and have the baby I have always dreamed of. Its weird to think that 6 months ago I was in such a bad dark place. That I cried for days without being able to stop thinking about how sad my life is without a child. I look back and cannot believe that I was like that. I wonder what will it take to put me back there again? What if i get pregnant again and have a miscarriage where will I land then? I take a deep breathe as I type all of this. I know I can do this. I know I have more strength then I ever imagined having. And I know my husband and I will make great parents to a child. I am not ready to talk about the what ifs, although they are thoughts I have on a daily basis. But I do the best I can to push them to the back of my mind. Please send me whatever strength you can all spare. This is the continuation of my battle, but in a way its the start as well. I have been trying to eat better. I have been going to the gym at least three times a week. I feel like I am just in a better place right now. Will that all change after April 28th who knows. But for now I am going to think positively and know I am doing all that I can to fulfill my dreams.
Thank you all for reading this and for always being there for me. I will be posting more often and reading up on everyone.
xoxo Jen
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I am so happy to see youa re in such good spirits..please send a little of that my way! lol
Seriously though, it sounds like you are emotionally physically in a great place and ready to start up again. I wish you the best of luck with your new RE and will always try and be the best support I can be. Welcome back! :)
bcgradgirl
To recover and return to the battle the way you have...YOU ARE STRONG! We are here for you and good luck with your appointment on the 28th! Maybe a new RE is the key, fresh eyes and all. Positive thoughts your way!
brenskopf
I'm so glad you're back. What a scary and exciting time you are approaching, it's so hard when all you've known is disappointment and heartbreak. Just know that we are all here supporting you and being strong for you. I know that your time is coming soon and your dreams of becoming a mom will come true, wihtout a doubt in my mind. I only hope that the journey is quick and is full of only moments of joy experiencing your miracle!
4EVERinLOVE
You have all of my support for sure!!
want2bamummy
I'm glad you are back! The road ahead will not be easy but you are strong and can make it. Like a good friend of mine always tells me...don't borrow trouble by thinking about all of the what if's...if trouble is meant to come it will on it's own. Welcome back!!!
HopefullySomeDay