Journal

I've been feeling like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde lately. My family are happy with what I'm doing with my life. They see that I'm working, in college, and a role model to my nephews and neices. My girlfriend thinks she can have no one better. I see myself completely different. Yes, I have achieved a lot, but I'm still very sick. When my urges, or lust comes out I'm a completely different person. Sexually I'm a monster. I think about sexing every female I cross. I feel like a creep. When  I'm masturbating I even think about sexing men, or adolesent girls. Then when I'm normal I think about myself like, "what the hell is wrong with me".

It makes no sense why I feel this way. My girlfriend is the best I could ever have. She's beautiful in every way, and satisfies me to the fullest. We could have sex before she goes to work, then if I have nothing to do while she is working I'll masturbate. 

I definitely need to be praying more often. I know thats probably one of the only things that will help. I also need to gain more courage and open up to my therapists. let them no all of the thoughts that go through my head.