DownSoLong's Journal

Things off the top of my head that cause me to self-harm: (in order)
1. Drinking----I love to drink and sometimes have a little to much. The night always end's in self-harm. I've lost all my friends.
2.Rejection----Don't reject me! I hate being rejected. Hate it! Hate it! Like, suicide, Hate it. and i'm not suicidal.
3.Anger----Why get pist and hurt the one's I love, when I can hurt myself, and get satisfaction from it.
4.Stress----I have way too much of it, and It has to be released some way.
5.Control----I could never control what happened to me when I was younger, I cant exactly control the stress in my life now, If you upset me, I cant control my feelings. But I can control the blade!
..........................................

 I usually don't feel the pain. I know it's there when I begin to bleed, but I guess because of the state of mind I'm in at that moment, I just don't think about the pain. I feel the pain as soon as I start to bleed; It calms me down, like a drug. It's strange......I don't really scar, but I have realized when my cut's begin to heal, I get really anxious; like, I'm not ready for them to leave me. I guess I have alot of emotional scars, and I like to pull them to the surface. Things are less scary when you can see them......