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DownSoLong 
....About 2 weeks had went by before my Husband found out I had been dancing. See, at first, he was just so damn happy about all the money I was making, he didn't care how I was making it. (He thought I was waitressing.) I didn't realize this was just giving him more reason's to not want to work; He didn't want to work because I could pay an entire month of bills in two nights. But he was the only reason I was doing this.
I can't say I hated my job. I freaking loved it! But then again, I didn't know it would destroy me, either. I hate what it has done to me. It makes you bitter; cold..... I loved being an entertainer, but when it comes down to it, no one can honestly fall in love with a stripper. That's all I ever wanted--was for someone to fall completley in love with me. That's why I married an asshole when I was only 19 years old....love me, love me----I was like a little puppy dog.....
So anyway, he found out, and lost it! Hell broke loose in our house that day! But the only thing that he was truly upset about, was the fact that I lied to him-----Um, hello! your wife is taking her clothes off for money-----Yea, he didn't say, "please stop and I'll be the man of the house and go make money for us"....nope, he didn't love me.
My husband had the best life----he got to party all night, with my money, live in a house for free-(cause his wife was a sugar momma)......ugh! I disgust myself that I put up with that! He had nothing to complain about, and yet, he still felt the need to use me as a punching bag. The abuse got worse than ever! He began choking me, strangling me, slamming me against walls, twisting my arms behind my back until I thought they would break, beating his head against mine until I blacked out.....What did I do to deserve this----Breathe?
I cheated on him constantly----I couldn't help it---I needed to cope! I hate myself for things I did. I slept with a different man, almost everynight, and my husband was out partying---this wasn't the marriage I always dreamed of as a little girl---it wasn't at all! And no!, I didn't screw for money!!!!!!!! I wasn't a damn hooker!
You know what, You would be suprised at the people that go into a strip club! I met a Rabi one night, a first grade teacher, a Youth Minister....Oh, I could go on and on.......
One day, with the help of one of my very best friends, I got enough courage to kick my Husband out! What's strange is, once he left, nothing had really changed except for the abuse, and I saved money.
I became an ALCOHOLIC. I partied openly then, because I didn't have to hide it from my husband. I did some crazy stuff. I had fun! I could take weeks off from work to take trips with friends; I really didn't whore around anymore, either, because I didn't have stress---at all! The best feeling in the world is being stress freeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This was the point in my life when I woke up one morning, and asked myself why I was drinking----I was at home by myself, and it was 10 in the morning----But I couldn't put the drink down.........
