grammylorrie's Journal

Tomorrow will be 2 years since I became a member of DS!  I can't believe it's been that long!  I would not have made it if not for my dear friends here.  I know I can turn to my DS friends when I need help.  So many of you have made such a difference in my life.  You will never realize how much!  Friday I am having surgery to remove the lump in my breast.  I am pretty nervous about this.  I will never admit this to my family and friends here.  It will take several days for the biopsy results to come back.  My mother and my grandmother both had breast cancer.  My mother had breast cancer which spread to her liver and that's what she passed from.  We didn't even know she had liver cancer until 1 week before she died.  I thank God that she went so quickly.  It was only 1 week that I knew she was dying but I never left her side from the day I found out until the day she passed.  I sat next to her bed and held her hand and talked and cryed to her.  She went into a coma about the 3rd day after finding out.  We got a hospital bed and had hospise nurses to come to take care of her.  We put the bed in front of her sliding glass doors which faced the lake.  She loved to sit on the deck and watch the sunset.  I miss her so much!  I guess I am reminiscing because on the 9th of July it has been 10 years since she left.  I do know one thing, after she passed I realized that I was not afraid to die because I knew she would be the one to come to me and help me find my way.  Now I know there will be two other angels in Heaven with her and that is Heather & Kaiden.  It may sound weird but I really can't wait until the day I get to meet up with them again.  I would never commit suicide.  I tried that 3x's when I was in my late 20's but now I know that it is a sin to commit suicide.  I am going to end this now with asking for each of you to say a prayer for me on Friday.  Thank you all for being here for me.  I love each and every one of you.  God Bless