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grammylorrie 
12:51pm, September 24, 2009
Here it is another holiday. Here I am completely depressed again. I have gotten where I just hate the holidays. Today is 1 year and 2 months since Heather & Kaiden have gone to Heaven. On Thursday, the 9th, it's 10 years since my mom went to Heaven. I miss them all so very deeply. When my mom was still her, all my family would go to her house on the 4th. She lived on a lake and we would swim and barbacue and play yard games and just be the great old family scene like so many other families. Ever since she left us, 10 years!, my family has not gotten together once. I have 3 sisters and 1 brother. I only talk to one sister occasionally. One is a drug addict that the family disowned because of some terrible thing she did against several members of the family. The other two, I don't remember the last time I saw them or talked to them. My mother would be so disappointed! Not just that, I have 4 grown children. Yet, I am sitting in my apartment all alone. I have not spoken to any of them today. I'm sure they are with their friends or even each other having parties and barbacuing. I just feel so left out. Yes, it's a pity party. I guess it's just because I grew up with my family together but my kids don't feel the same way. I would love to be with my kids and grandkids having a good time right now. I am sitting here on the computer, having done nothing at all today, haven't taken a shower for 3 days. All I want to do is crawl in bed and take my sleeping pills until I wake up tomorrow morning. I want to escape!!! I will go and pray to God to help me get past these feelings. I will go and have a good cry for my dear grandson, his mom, and my mother. I will try and do anything constructive later today just to help me feel a little better about myself. I will also pray for those other people that are sitting alone without family like I am today. 
God Bless
God Bless 
Comments
I'm so sorry you are feeling this way, Lorrie and I understand completely. I know holidays are so hard. I lost my mom 14 years ago and my family has not been the same since because she was the glue that held us together. I'm alone today, too, so big hugs to you and I pray you will feel better soon!
veeachjay
Lorrie,
I am so sorry. These grief waves really can knock you down and make it almost impossible to get up. Why don't you just call your kids and see what they are doing? Sometimes we have to take that first big step to climb from down under. I know you wish they would call you and invite you, but there is nothing wrong with just making a phone call and see how they are doing.
nanny99
Sending you a bunch of hugs. Sorry, you had to spend the day alone. It's sad that a lot of times after a parent dies, the family doesn't get together much. I'm lucky, my mom is still with us, my sister lives right down the road from me and I get to see my grandchildren all the time especially since I babysit them when my daughter works.
ckdeedee
wish i could have you over my place right now- i too am all by my self right now. hugs! hopefully things will improve!
leifysmormor
hugs to you.... I wish there was some way you could feel all of us around you and know u r not alone. Seems like the losses never really heal .... I think of all the things my daughter will never do, and it is like a knife to the heart..... I miss her. Many hugs and strength sent ur way....
tbellagirl
I hear you. Our family feels the same way about holidays but we do them anyway.
Because life goes on- how some time I dont know. Hang in there hun.
hugs and love sent your way.
elainebr