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moodyashell 
its not enough to have to take all these meds but now one of them is giving me terrible side effects after being on them for months without a problem. my vision is so blurry i can barely see the screen in front of me, and that sucks but the worst is the memory problem. when i got out of the hospital i had similar probs before they lowered dosages so i think
my short term memory is absolutely gone. i walk into a room and forget what i'm doing there..i speak a sentence and halfway thru i forget what i was talking about. i have to mentally reach to find words i need and i'm getting a little hesitation before every sentence so now i got a little stutter thing going.
heres the thing:
i deal with the meds because i have to....but the minute they dominate my everyday life i want to get rid of them. i do not want these meds to change my life in any way.i know its stupid to talk about not taking them, but they are making me stupid and insecure and nervous and i cant deal with it. also, side effects make me really feel crazy.....i look crazy i talk crazy......maybe i am crazy. i dont want to think of myself that way but its hard not to.
