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moodyashell 
my med cocktail must be working....sure i sleep for 15 hours and dont have tons of energy when i AM awake, but i'm hoping if i ignore it it will just go away like the cotton mouth and blurred vision. still, its better than being pissed off all the time and dreaming of suicide the way some people dream of a trip to europe or a date with clay aiken. i feel hopeful about the future but also have the stigma of insanity tattooed on my face. people worry about me...people look at me differently, after "the unplesantness" my friends wonder if now its just a matter of time before i research before i take the pills next time and actually succeed. i dont know what to tell them, and i feel guilty that i'm spreading nervousness like a bad flu among my friends. this is not a first for me, as i once gave an entire apartmentfull of people celebrating new years eve the bronchitis i was walking around with after smoking a joint and passing it around. apparently there are some occupational hazzards involved with my friendship. and of course theres always the vague fear that this relief is temporary, and sooner or later i'll wake up like a child on christmas morning only to find the grinch on my chest with the weight of depression in tow.
and this is how i am when i'm feeling good....imagine what i'm like on the other side of hell.
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well if we didn't worry about you mid-entry, the "grinch" line would only leave behind robots! hey, the ones who give a damn worry anyway, so consider yourself kind to give those mid-level, "wouldn't use one of my two calls on you if i was in jail" friends some way to validate themselves. and that "vague fear" sounds almost religious to me. pretty much any "vague fear" would, i guess. but you didn't have to buy one chocolate egg to do it. bravo. you're officially 39. remember when i used to be so much younger than you? and now i'm just a little younger. pretty soon we'll be the same age. it's true. men have a lower life expectancy. why do i always have to start thinking about this shit when somebody brings up chocolate? hey, i love ya. see ya at host.
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