moodyashell's Journal

i am moving out of a manic phase, i can feel the desperation... the sleepless need to document and write and draw and become completely absorbed in this soul stealing illness that is bipolar, fading.....does this mean my creativity is gone? does an artist need to be suffering to make great art? i'm worried my moods will flatten and go stale as i allow the meds to crush my spark, and lose the one defense i have to cope with said illness. its a bad joke.  i cant live without meds but i dont want to live in a reality squashed in a box of status quo and trying not to make the general public nervous of whats just below the surface....with every new med i have to find myself like a needle in hay and i'm losing track of where the meds end and i pick up and my hands shake and my vision blurs and my concentration is fine if youre a 70 year old alzheimers patient. am i slipping away? is there anything to hold onto or is it like a slide at a water park where you zoom uncontrollably into the water and over your head and nothing nothing nothing can stop you.