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Journal Entry for July 24, 2007 Mood
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
ahem. it has recently come to my attention that some of us who suffer from those "slippery" illnesses such as dpression and eating disorders and cutting...you know, the illnesses that make people so nervous you instinctively know you should lie because the truth would shatter their tiny brains into pop rocks? sometimes these pesky diseases get in the way of things...going to work...showering...stopping at 4 martinis before breakfast....and i feel that there needs to be a translation created, a crazy to english dictionary if you will.  for instance, you are too depressed to go to work. how are you going to make the call? first, the phone is allll the waayyyy ooovvvverr ttthhhereeee and with the 50 ton knot in your stomach, it can take a while so step 1: get to phone. 
step 2: say this:
i was spinning in the earth's gravitational pull and I banged my head up pretty good, broke my brain in 3 places actually, and I had some kind of allergic reaction to the medicine they forced on me and everything swelled up and was so full of pus they had to drain it with this huge needle and pushed it so deep into my brain that it took over a decade just to get it IN to fix what is clearly extensive damage. At this point, they are pretty much concentrating on getting the needle OUT, but everytime they pull even the tiniest bit floods of fluids pour from my tear ducts and sometimes i have to hit myself in my body just to remind myself that its there.  just to remind myself that this pain in my broken brain does not define me and that i have all these other things that fade next to the intensity of the pain. but there're here, my humor and dance and song and conversation and miles of topics other than pain and guilt and fire and mania and sleeplessness and all i have to do is wait until they ease that needle all the way out from that part of my brain where it touches my soul and after the blood and the gore and the bits of discarded tissue and bone has been washed away, i should be ok. so, i wont be coming into work today. 
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