lovewins's Journal

I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR ANY BULLSHIT. I HAVE MY PLATE FULL. MY SICKNESS HURTS ME ALOT PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY I AM TRYING TO STAY SANE. I REALIZED TODAY I NEED ONLY GOD AND I AM RELEASING MY DEMONS IN MY JOURNALS. I AM TALKING ABOUT HOW I FEEL. I WILL KEEP ME BUSY. I READ ALOT . I GO TO BOOKSTORES. I HATE BEING ALONE BUT I FEEL FREE AS A MAN WHEN I DO NOT HAVE TO IMPRESS ANYONE TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE ME. I AM LOOKING INSIDE OF ME. I READ A BOOK ABOUT SELF ESTEEM. I REALIZED I WAS DAMAGED. I TOOK MY SICKNESS PERSONALLY AS MY FAULT. I AM STILLLL TRYING TO FORGIVE MYSELF AND I GET ANGRY AT WHAT PEOPLE DID TO ME AND MOMS. BUT I AM COMING TO TERMS WITH IT. I LIVE IN A COLD NEW YORK CITY ENVIRONMENT BUT I REALIZED THE WORLD IS GETTING COLDER. I AM JUST GONA HAVE TO ACCEPT BS AS IT COMES. I WILL JUST MEDITATE WITHIN ME. I KNOW A GREAT LIFE IN FAMILY AND LOVE IS TO COME. I NEED TO LET GO OF THIS PAIN OF LONELINESS AND SHAME TO FEEL BETTER. I SEE GLIMPSES OF SUNSHINE AS I WALK WITH MY IPOD HAPPPILY ON THE STREETS. I DO GET LONLEY BUT I RATHER BE THAN BE WITH A BUNCH OF ASSHOLES. I CANT BLAME ANYONE OR ME FOR FEELING SAD. I PUT MY FAITH ON OTHERS TO SAVE ME. NO WI LOOK TO ME AND SOME FROM DS FOR SUPPORT. I AM LUCKY I GET TO EAT SLEEP WHILE OTHERS STARVE. I KNOW I HAVE IT GREAT. I JUST AM GONNA STOP THINKING WAY TOO MUCH. IT CAN DRIVE ANYONE CRAZY.