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lovewins 
12:00pm
low self esteem beatin me
i feel pain deep
why misery
why misery
marbles lost i cant be saved by therapy
legally insane eccentric
i am outta this world so dont try to get me
paranoia anxiety
like hell on earth
so why did they say u go to hell
cuz hell is earth
from birth a curse
of hell impendin doom killin my shell
i see no love but pain
life is like a prison cell
stuck in it i wanna yell
i feel like a baby cryin for a bottle
lost i feel life confusin my ass like a full throttle
i wanna hug and love
but again made to feel fear
cuz hate pain shame is near
dont know what is real
confusin hate pai is all i feel
for all the bad shit you put my ass thru
now i feel like i am infected with ur negative flu
my attitude reachin the miserable latitude
these last days full of pain hate
a new era of misery is all i see in a world
about to burn down in a materialistic daze
leavin the good to suffer
and the bad folks will be in glory
as good is not seen
and selfishness and anxiety
will take over and greed and money
will be the new god on the scene
i am gonna be good
but as long i am livin real
i will always be misunderstood
an outcast and i wear it well
i see there is no changin this hell
i just dwell like ghost
when i am gone
i will be seen as a prophet of truth
as long as i am livin
pain is all i witness
with good intentions
i bleed carryin a cross
of pain til end of life
cuz things will never change
hate will multiply
more illnesses will come to life
and this age of pain
will give new life to more pain
i am speakin my truth
i am no longer happy with earth or anything i see
i see things are meant to be confusing
and i am just a guy who sees too much
i will only live
cuz suicide is not in me
but i am cryin feelin
like the world is outta love
i will live to try to love
but i have lost faith in society humanity
i really am bleedin to love
but will u love me back
only god can love me
when i am gone
they will remember me
as long as i am alive
i will be nothing
but to god i am something
if not for him i would jump out the window
but thx ds anyways
i just feel pain
endless pain
confusion and lack of natural essence
i live in a dead zombieed world
oh well i will grin bear like everyday
i am walkin......
Comments
So sorry your feelin this way. Hope it gets better for you soon. I know what paranoid anxiety is like. I been down that road before....pure hell it is.....are you diagnosed? Maybe you should think into seeing a psychiatrist if you don't already have one. Poppin pills is not something I would have dreamed I would be doing when I was real little BUT I have to do it to sirvive. If you need someone to talk to I will be here for you later on today. I have to go and get dressed and leave the house......Gotta go out to relatives house. I will talk to you later.
Always,
Princess
BipolarPrincess
I hope you will feel better. It is ok to have all of this pain and I am sorry you feel this way and have to live with these feelings. I just hope and pray that you will feel better and find what you want. You are an important person and I care.
fragileteacup
Do you want to talk on the phone? I know how it feels to be this down! :(
khabri
*hugs*
Write it out, friend....write it out
doublenjenn7
Listen, lovewins, we're all on a razor's edge here so i can send you my love and support but that's not going to keep us from falling off the cliff. go to applecorpspress.ning.com and become your own group---use your DS moniker and avatar and just "go public" with your writing---I would post it there myself but i'm up to my eyeballs in school corruption exposure and, quite frankly, am so overwhelmed with the influx of internet information that i can't keep up with it. thing is, you have to give us your solemn promise that you're an artistic entity and will not do the Sylvia Plath shit---that's the only covenant that applecorpspress demands---so "write it out, friend...write it outloud" but don't fucking kill yourself, okay? (if you don't mind a little editorial suggestion: use this journal entry as your main statement---and go backwards or forwards in time from this one. it's really good.)
Perie Longo is Santa Barbara's former poet laureate, and CAC has a poetry group on (o-crap-i-missed-yesterday's) 1st and 3rd Friday.
love,
k8longstory 4 applecorpspress
P.S. That last "member" will be banned within three days---she's a spy from The Dark Side.
longstory
uh, i'm back just to say that by "the last member" i meant G. Watson on applecorpspress---not, of course, referring to anyone on the DS board. i'm eight members on sbschooltalk.com---pressing to expose school corruption, reform education, and restore justice and democracy in our schools and society. if you want to come to santa barbara and write your heart out on behalf of the mentally ill who are damned by our corrupt ADMHSA, contact me---we don't get any supports or services here, but we have a wonderful grass-roots organization where we get lots of exercise pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps!
Hugs, Peace and Blessings!
k9ontheloose 4 applecorpspress
k8longstory 4 sbschooltalk
longstory
Wow! You can really write well! ((((hugs)))) ~heather
heathers74
We can hug you here...but who hugs you there?
lmiklaucic
hey lovewins, i so hear you, i so hear you, my god, i have felt this way so many times lovewins...and keep writing brother...because the more you write , the more you express, the more you let it out and heal, the more you get in touch with your spirit by writing , and the more love you can give to this sorry earth..really love wins...this earth needs your love and your compassion and your insight..so keep writing brother....and let it out!:)....and as you write..you will heal....and be able to touch your pain...and feel it, and let it out, and let it go...anyway, a big hug to you my dear brother..and i hope tomorrow is a better day for you...but you know what, you are one of the tormented souls on this earth, i know because i have always been one, and by reading your poetry i see you are too, and their's something special about that love, something inside of you that you are so effected by this world and the way it is, you just can't turn away from not just the pain inside of you, but the pain you see in this world causes you...so, anyway, please realize that you can make a difference her love, not dead, but while you are living...so keep living love, and keep feeling, and somehow...give a smile to someone whose in bad pain, or a hand, or just a word, or a feeling ...hugs for you love, maggie ps, thank you for this beautiful poem, i really enjoyed reading it...feel better my friend...we're in this together ok? peace
fieldofdaisies
WHOA!!!
WHAT'S GOING ON?
SWEETIE WHAT HAPPENED?
OHMIGOSH!
WE'LL TALK LATER ON TODAY K...
NOW I'M WORRIED.
JUST KNOW THAT YOU ARE NEVER ALONE.
EVEN THOUGH WERE MILES APART
YOU'LL FOREVER BE IN MY HEART.
I JUST MADE THAT UP! I GOT SKILLZZZZ, LOL.
ANYHOO,
YOU. ME. TALK. LATER. K.
LOVE YA,
NIECY.
LovelyNiecy
Hugs, my friend!
Zigzag
Sending huge hugs your way. Feel better soon and keep writing down your feelings. It realy helps x
stix24
MANY HUGSSSSSSSSS FOR YOU!I SHALL PRAY FOR YOU!GOD BLESS!
rosey222
THANKS for sharing a powerful emotion of pain. But the love within you overcomes because you know that death will not win you over. God's guidance and richest blessings to you! Keep the Faith and Keep pounding out Love because Love overcomes brother!
mky75