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lovewins
Male, 28, bronx, NY
"fuckin fed up with life"
10:33am, November 15, 2009
anxiety Mood
Monday, January 26, 2009 | A Poem/Artistic story

how anxiuos can i be before i break

i feel it creep into me like aches and pains

memories cover up my faith

i get eaten up like a dead imprint from the grave

i feel people watching waiting to kill me

my enemies are outside on the streets

they will watch me

i feel the train and buses

are full of people ready to come after me in dozens

wil they kill me after they catch me

no one loves me

anxiety leave me be

cuz u cloud my mentality

i feel so crazy

i look normal in the mirror

but inside i feel alone and i shiver

i pray to god to deliver

but damn i still got anger that makes my bone quiver

i get anxiuos just walkin on the streets

thinkin people hate me

but i found out i hate me

i hate bein part of the family

that caused my insanity

and i hate bein bullied

i am searchin for my identity

and there is no need

czu i am ok simply

cuz i am me

but anxiety why do u try me

i guess to teach me to not bleed

 

UPDATED GOALS

meet a positive person

Progress 45%

Encouragements: 23

RATE THIS ENTRY:
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Comments

  1. Ellocin

    Anxiety is tough. I wish I could take it away from you...because I know how much it sucks and messes with thoughts and perceptions. Keep trying to counteract the anxious thoughts with positive ones. I know it's not easy. If you know any deep breathing exercises sometimes those help...and if you have access to relaxation cd's (maybe at a library?) they are great too. At least I find they are helpful for me....if I'd actually use them.

    Philippians 4:6-9
    Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

    Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

    ****HUGS*** Take care and God bless!


    Ellocin

  2. longstory

    Interesting words. Wish I could help but I'm having daily meltdowns dealing with corruption in public schools. Wish Dsers would join me on sbschooltalk.com!

    Heinrich Heine wrote a poem of 12 lines, under the title “To Edom”. The German-Jewish poet was talking about Germany, or perhaps all the nations of Christian Europe. This is what he wrote (in Uri Avnery's rough translation):

    “For a thousand years and more / We have had an understanding / You allow me to breathe / I accept your crazy raging // Sometimes, when the days get darker / Strange moods come upon you / Till you decorate your claws / With the lifeblood from my veins // Now our friendship is firmer / Getting stronger by the day / Since the raging started in me / Daily more and more like you.”

    Hoope you'll get out of the house or at lease away from anxiety. It sucks rancid pond water.


    longstory

  3. Kindmirrow

    Stay strong my friend - There is noone after you, willing to cause you torment.

    Keep writing, singing, drumming. You have to flow.


    Kindmirrow

  4. PhoenixRising

    "but i found out i hate me

    i hate bein part of the family

    that caused my insanity

    and i hate bein bullied

    i am searchin for my identity

    and there is no need

    czu i am ok simply

    cuz i am me

    but anxiety why do u try me

    i guess to teach me to not bleed"

    I so relate to that...but I know that my anxiety is a part of the "programming" I received growing up in an alcoholic home that was filled with one man's bottomless rage. Anxiety is a Button that can be pressed, or it just floats namelessly in surround sound...but it is not my teacher per se. It can be a warning bell, it can be a reminder that I need to keep working on myself, or just remnants of the past when that button is pushed.

    I choose to believe it is NOW one of those internal TOOLS that leads me to a better me...like a cattle prod! LOL!

    Keep working on you, it says......so I keep trying....

    PR


    PhoenixRising

  5. macjude

    I have found anxiety trying to creep into my life the last year and I have trouble with it because it's so new to me, so I put on music and try to reson why I am so anxious and then think of a plan b if all the things that I'm anxious about should happen, it didn't work last time but I'm working on it, it's a horrid felling and i hate it, lol J


    macjude

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